JEMDiary - shanni1smiles's diary

I Just Remembered (What I'd Forgotten)

Wed, 9 Jul 2008 23:46:29 CDT

So the other day I ran into this chick who I graduated with, Sherry. She called out my name and came up and gave me a hug (which pretty much set the stage for an awkward convo). Anyways, we talked for a sec about the same crap I'd been repeating since my last day of eight grade ("No, I dont go to Richards. Yes, I am a student at Whitney Young. Yes, it is a good school. Yes, I like it there. Its big."), then I told her we'd talk later and I left. A couple days later, she sent me a friend request on Myspace. I accepted. Then i went on her page and read what she had writtten (or typed) there and I remembered something....Something it had taken me three years to realize...that I had let blow away with the city wind. How alike we are. We should've been best friends...but by the time I knew, it was too late. I have been thinking about that lately, how people are always saying how much you look or act like your mom or dad. I had begun to see the lasting affects of one child being raised by a village, I saw a little bit of myself in every person in my family. In my idols. Everywhere that I looked. Maybe its because people in general share common characteristics. I dont know...im going to sleep.

Blue Dress. Black Shoes. Yes Sir. No age(!).

Mon, 7 Jul 2008 21:56:43 CDT

Hey. Its been a while...I'm not sure how long. Nothing much has changed since the last time I wrote though. I completed my first Backlash writing assignment. I don't know whow good it is. It might be crap. I still have to go over it again. Guess what!? Icky loves me(!)...but you already knew that. Really what I was supposed to say there is that he's leaving monday to dance with the wolves. He'll be gone untilthe 30th. What will I do...what will I do. I was thinking about as he was telling me that his trip got moved up a couple days, maybe his leaving early is a sign. This was supposed to be the summer that I transformed into someone the polar opposite of unmotivated but so far, it has been largely uneventful. I feel like a 14-year-old drone. I wake up at six. Take a shower. Get dressed. Go to work (where I try my hardest not to). Get a ride home from Lea's mom. Get home. Watch whatever I have recorded on DVR. Check My email, Myspace and Facebook. Listen to and look for (new) music. Read. Watch Lock-Up. Talk on the phone until I can barely keep my eyes open. Get off of the phone. Stay awake for another hour watching whatever's on Adult Swim. Fall asleep (or as I like to call it "PassOut"). Wake up. Do it all over again. What kind of life is that for a TEENAGER to have?! Today. My phonebook and I will have a nice long visit. Yes, the Yellowpages and I will meet again for the first time in a long time. And im not doing any prank calling this time! Im gonna call every hospital, nursing home, day care and any place else I might think of until i've got at least one gig to keep Icky's (seemingly)everlasting absence off of my mind....Im tired. Oh yeah. The whole "No Age(!)" thing. HOPE-FULLY i'll be going to the Pitchfork Festival in Union Park to see No Age and Vampire Weekend and a bunch others on the 19th. That is....if I can find company. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I have to go to AT LEEEEAST one concert before the summer's over!

Everyday turn, turn, turn. (Earn what you burn)

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 0:35:36 CDT

Im tired...all the time. Thats nothing new. The things is, im trying to trun my life around and its alot harder than I thought it would be. When I go back to school, I want to be able to say that I accomplished something over the summer. I've been trying to volunteer, but everywhere I look , they say that I have to be at least sixteen! Im thinking about lying...but I dont know. I just want to get some real life experience! Im tired of coming home from work at one o'clock and wasting the rest of the day! I want to get out and help someone, talk to someone, meet new people, make MY OWN FUN, HAVE MY OWN LIFE! I wonder if I gave one of these places a big speach and told them how eager I am and how dedicated I would be, if they would give me a chance....even just a trial offer. I dont want to have the only thing that I look forward to everyday be the POSSIBILTY of hanging out with friends that almost never come through. I feel like im going backwards, but I wont let that happen. I need to start...living and stop moping.

I went to the mall on friday and the taste if chicago on saturday. I dont know what im doing today. Most likely nothing..what a waste of a day. Whats Icky doing....out playing baseball with some team somewhere. If there's anyone I need to get like, its him. He's always doing something. I want SOOOOOO badly to be like that. So im gonna make it happen.

Im DYING to go to the Coldplay concert but I dont really have anyone to go with. Cholin said he would go with me...but you never know with him. So now i've done everything but put an add on a billboard! I want someone to go WITH. Im not going to pay for them, I cant afford it really, sorry.

If you know of any place where I can volunteer in Chicago or the South-Suburbs or if you're going to one of the Coldplay shows in chicago, comment. Thanks :)

D.O.A

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 19:18:42 CDT

Hey. Life sucks. I started work at the summer school. Work Sucks. Yesterday Dr.Bait (my boss) talked to the kids for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT about everything from abusive (ex)husbands to that strange bump that your boyfriend has on his naughty parts. The odd thing was though, even though she was talking to them, i felt like she was speaking just to me (not about the bumps thing). It was that feeling that I got when I used to go to church and the pastor would say why people are unhappy. He was talking to me. She was talking to me. Maybe I should listen...its kinda too late though.

Purple Pushup(bra)s

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:56:27 CDT

Yo! I dont really have that much to say...everyone's been goiing to the beach like craz-ay! Dunno why, guess they like to marvel at the sizziling Seagull and Duck droppings. Anyways, talked to Ickste. Feel bad about what I said last time, cant delete it though, it would be like ripping pages out. On YouTube right now, nothing better to do...work is...sucky. There's boys working with us this time (and no bff Slim *tear*)and one of them, Magnus, keeps harassing me! God! Its sooo ah-noying! He's just cooing away "You look so pretty today.", "Your hair is so soft.","Your feet are so pretty"! I dont even know when he touched my hair! He must have sneaked and done it, because i'd never have let him. And who the hell stares at other peoples feet! I swear im about two seconds from killing this kid.