http://www.jemdiary.com/ This rss feed features the 5 newest entries in qtyogal's diary. Mon, 26 Mar 2007 20:18:24 PDT en-us 15 JEMDiary - jemdiary.com 2001-2007 http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/218_LEAVING_JEMDIARY__ http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/218_LEAVING_JEMDIARY__ Mon, 11 Oct 2004 19:39:49 PDT (My e-diary.)
I’m sorry that I have not written lately. Not much has been going on, and I feel sad to say that I am going to move-on to a different diary. Or maybe I should just keep two diaries…?

I am a person who doesn’t like change. And, I know it is one of my fears and whenever I loose a friend or something is just different than what it is usually is… I freak out. Or I start missing people and things, and I can surprisingly get very depressed or confused or just where I feel, “AHH!”
I hate change. But, I am going through a lot of changes right now (more emotional than physical), and I’ve decided I need to get over my fear of change and that I need to just MOVE ON! (The words, right there, freak me out.) And, I’ve decided that it would be good for me to “practice changes.” Where I move on from something precious of mine. But, it won’t be totally serious… for I’ll still have the chance to go back if I want. (But, you see, this isn’t the case in many real life situations. You can’t always go back to how things used to be… although, I’m sure we all have wished we could at some point in time.)

So, I thought of something that is precious to me: my thoughts/my words/my DIARY (aka jemdiary.)
I cannot live without writing down my thoughts!! I literally go insane if I don’t write!! (Trust me… my family knows this.) So, of coarse I am not going to give-up writing. That would be dense. This is me and this is my life and I always thought that it wouldn’t be worth having if I didn’t record it down. Then… what if you forget? Well, yeah… the important stuff, you won’t forget. But, the little details in your life… they matter. They really do! ‘Cuz when you’re older, you may look back on your life and realize that something you thought wasn’t that big of a deal, turned out to be a huge deal! And I could go on and on with reasons on why you should keep a diary. But, I’m assuming all the people (if any) who read this, keep a diary as well. So, they should know how important it is. (Well, at least it’s important to me.)

So, yeah… I’m not giving up writing. That is like the farthest of farthest of things on my list to do. And, I don’t think I would ever find a reason in my life to give-up writing. Except that if I lost my arms. Then, I would just get someone to write for me. :)
Well, anyway for my “practice change” I am changing diaries. And, I love jemdiary…so much!! Since, I have been here since December of last year, and this is what got me through home schooling, and has been with me through lots of happy and sad times.
Okay, so it may sound stupid of why I’m giving up something, I can keep.
It’s so I can help myself learn that changes happen and that I just need to “move on” sometimes… even if the words do freak me out. I need to get over that fear.

So, bye-bye jemdiary. :(
I will miss you! (And if you see me back on here… that’ll show I did not pass my “changes test.”)
If any of you would like to keep up with me and what’s happening in my 8th grade year, you can check outhttp://maimes.blogspot.com !!

Thanks, jemdiary, for getting me through my lonely home schooling experience.
Thanks, jemdiary, for being with me when I was lonely.
Thanks, jemdiary, for letting me pour out my confused/depressed/sad or just HAPPY feelings, even on those days when I sounded incredibly stupid.
Thanks, jemdiary, for letting me feel that I belonged somewhere. (Wow, how lame am I?)
Thanks, jemdiary, for helping me find out a little bit more about myself. (If you read my first entry and then read some of my later entries. You might have noticed how much I have grown in about the last ten months. Or maybe you can’t… but I sure can!)
Thanks, jemdiary, for everything! I could go on and on! But, it’s time for a change. (And, if it’s not… well, you’ll see me crawling back. That’s if I can’t take it.)

Well, for everyone out there, on jemdiary—
I LOVED READING SOME OF YOUR ENTRIES! (They’re almost all more interesting than mine. LOL.)
LOVE YA!
MISS YA!
Write me sometime: egamy5@myway.com
Check outhttp://www.amyssites.com for updates on my web life.
Check outhttp://amys.photosite.com for updates on pictures. (Btw, I should update soon on there… but I don’t know how soon.)
Check outhttp://maimes.blogspot.com for my new diary. :(

Okay, maybe I’m over exaggerating about this whole switch-a-diary thing. But, this really meant a lot to me. You have no idea.

Oh, I was looking back on some of my old entries. And, my very first entry on here was on December 19th, 2003 (when I was 12) and titled, “What’s New.” (So ordinary.) And, I don’t know (I can’t remember) if I mentioned his name or not, but I know I brought-up Erik in my very first entry! I don’t think I said his name… but I had mentioned him, about wanting to kiss my sis. And, at the time I had no intentions about going out with him, about nine months later!

Wow… it’s funny how things change.
Especially over time.
And, leaving jemdiary… was just sort of sudden.
But, sudden or not… things change. Whether I like them to or not. And, I need to know how to accept these changes. Because they’re all around me… especially at this age.

And, I need to know how to clean these bites that are biting me everywhere I go!
(Whether you do or don’t—I get what I’m saying.)

Well, I’d just like to end my last entry with these last words, as simple as they might be. Because they are the most beautiful words I could think of, right now, and ever imagine anyone putting at the end of one’s diary. And as sappy as they may sound to a person, they are:


“I love you, Erik.”
]]> http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/217_guys_over_girls http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/217_guys_over_girls Thu, 7 Oct 2004 19:30:42 PDT that flirty with him, since we broke-up about 2 weeks ago. Wow! Has it already been two weeks? Well, about four more days and it'll be two weeks. So, I guess it's not two weeks, yet. But, whatever.
Well, I went to class and la, la, la... school is boring. Although, in Reading I got assigned a "job" that I don't have to act out or anything. Just write a paper about it. I got assigned to be a person who gives you you're tickets at the movie theater. (Wow... I'm definitly gonna be a filthy rich million air, off of that. LOL. Jk.) So, that was probably the most interesting thing...during school. *Yawns.* After school, I went to go hang with the sevies (including Erik) as usual. And even though today was Thursday and yearbook day, I didn't feel like doing yearbook. I hardly ever feel like doing yearbook now, although I still want to be on the staff. I just wish it wasn't after school... waisting my precious after school time, to hang-out. But, I found out that we weren't really doing anything for yearbook today (odd) and the staff was just hanging out in the computer lab, checking their email and whatever else, in there. So, hardly nothing to do with yearbook. So, I stayed there for a little bit, and found out that we weren't really having a yearbook meeting or anything, so I just left. Erik was outside in the front for only a little more than 5 min, until he had to leave. (The day I'm in daycare... he had to leave early. Darnet.) Well, it was still fun. Well, not really "fun" but okay... just like any ordinary daycare day. Although, I was hardly in day care at all in 6th and 7th grade, since I lived close to the school, so I always used to walk home after school, and never went to daycare. But, I guess on my dad's days, I'll be back in daycare now... like the good old days. I remember... in mainly 5th grade, it was mainly Ben Edwards (remember him--my ex-obsession?) Janelle, Nick, Daniel, Joel, Rebecca and me and we would all go out in the daycare field area. And we would all start out sitting in a circle (with Ben on one side of me... sometimes holding my hand) and we would play truth or dare. Then, sooner or later we wouldn't be sitting in a well-orgainzed circle anymore. They would all be running around and the guys would be telling preverted jokes and laughing their heads off and doing stuff to trees (as i'll leave you to imagine.) and Rebecca would just follow the guys around and laugh or whatever. and I would just lay down in the grass, looking up at the sky, and thinking, "Ooooh Myyy Gooodneesss." It was so stupid... but the truth or dare part was always fun. And I remember, sometimes the grass was really cold and wet, and I'd sit there with my knees under my jacket and shivering from the cold as well from the thought of what the next question or dare might be. Okay, well those were the 5th grade days... good old 5th grade days, in daycare. Well, back to the present. The only thing that Erik did to me after school was slap me on the arm a bunch of times, and I slapped him super hard on the side and he was holding it and saying, "ooohh..." like it hurt. and i bet it did. :) So, we were continuing our slapping wars. and nik just stood their laughing, and so i told him he was next. (although, i really didn't want to go around trying to hit nik. since it probably would be considered, "flirting" to him. and flirting with nik, would just feel really weird to me.) But, I wasn't trying to flirt with Erik, it just sorta came naturally. and hitting wasn't exactly flirting... at least i didn't think so. erik dosn't really hit... he does this wip-lash thing really fast with his fingers, that stings. and i just slap him back. Well, unfortunatly erik had to leave. :( But, whatever. i didn't want him to think i was trying to be flirty, anyway. and if he stayed any longer i might've gotten a little more flirt-a-geous with him. which happens sometimes. although, erik did get out of his car to come back and get something, he forgot, and then he came up to me to give me a wip-lash again but then he said, "Oh, i'll just do it later." so whatever. then, i went to daycare with nik. and most of the time i just hung out with nik. and we talked for a while, on the swings. and i learned that he dosn't really like sports, but he's more of a biker/hiker/paintballer person. which, i thought was pretty cool, since his best friend (aka erik) is so much into sports. (mainly football and basketball.) and nik would seriously not shut up about his paintballing experiences. well, at least he can think of stuff to say, more than erik can, who usually can't think of anything to say. and that was good for me--'cuz it didn't put me in any uncomfortable situations, where i had to think of something to say or ask. then, nik and i just threw around a football and forest came to join us. so, for most of the daycare time i was hanging out with forest and nik and we would just talk and throw a football around, at the same time. and ben, nick, and daniel came to join us with throwing the football but then ben, nick, and daniel started a game of basketball with some guys from 5th/6th grade. so, that didn't last long. then, the three of us (forest, nik, & I) were swinging, and nik had to leave so then he just left me with forest and i said, "oh crap. now, its just u and me." but, i guess that was okay. we just swung for awhile and forest just told me a bunch of stuff from his favorite show... which i can't even remember what it was... and i wasn't really paying that much attention and I was just saying stuff like, "oh" and "uh-huh," ect. lol. then, julia, him, and i went to go get sodas since mrs. rupnow was on duty and she told us we could. so, i bought them a soda. (arn't i nice? lol.) and jantee came with us. I was surprised she did--'cuz she seemes to be really shy. i hardly ever heard her say anything. but, i was glad she did... 'cuz i don't like to have people feeling left out. i asked her if she wanted me to buy her a soda, but she just held up her soda meaning, "i already have one." I was thinking she wouldn't want one... since she did already have one, but she also did follow us to the academy soda machine... so, i didn't know. and when she left, I said bye to her, so I felt good that i at least included her a little bit, and was nice to say goodbye. Well, then i was just sitting around, where anne and mrs. rupnow were. and forest was there and we just all hung out and talked. its boring when guys arn't around. maybe, thats one reason why i didn't want to hang out in the computer lab with all the girls. ('cuz there were no guys to talk to.) it's weird... now, a lot of the time it seems that the girls in my class are starting to annoy me... a lot. but, the girls in 7th grade are cool (ex-cluding my sister. lol. jk.) and the guys in 7th grade and in my class are all cool. (well, ALMOST all cool. Mark is freaking me out and christian's annoying.) i like hanging out with the guys... they're cool. i would rather hang out with guys than girls. that's the whole point of my title being, "guys over girls." in daycare, there were plenty of girls i could've hung-out with from both grades in jr. high. just... i prefer to hang out with guys. things are definitly different with me (i can tell) from just 6th grade (and even last year.) well, i am at home now. and hanging with just nik... then nik & forest... then just forest... was kinda fun for a change. but, erik would've been more fun. hehehehe. lol. i love it how i can be myself around guys, now. (unlike when ben edwards was here... thinking back to 7th grade, 6th grade, 5th grade... and so on.)
well, i am at home now... as you might've guessed. my computer at my dad's house is working, now. so later tonight, i'll TRY to add my other 2 entries from yesterday and Tues.
Well, Monterey is over and Julia and her are watching something... that i think i might want to see what it is. and, they're gonna play truth or dare (so thinking back to the old days... why not?) although, i don't see how it could be any fun with just girls. whatever... we'll see... bye.]]> http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/216_story_time http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/216_story_time Thu, 7 Oct 2004 19:24:38 PDT
Okay... roll the tape...
Amy woke up this morning at 5:50. (I am going to say this as if someone who knows all about me, is telling a story about me--about what happened today. Which, wasn't much--I might add.) Okay, so Amy woke up, then realized what time it was, so plopped her little head back into her soft, feathured pillow and drifted back to sleep thinking, "Oh, I'll get up in about ten minuets." But, she didn't. Her alarm clock didn't ring and she didn't roll out of bed 'til about 7:10. (Okay... this is taking too long, if I put too much detail into it. Forget the precisness. Or however you spell it--if its even a word.) Amy got ready this moring, and didn't eat breakfast. (Which she was proud of, since she is trying to loose wait. Shh! her current weight is 108. Goal: 99 lbs--a great weight! And not too skinny that it looks sickly. I wouldn't starve myself, though! I'm not anorexic. Although, I was proud for not eating breakfast. Whatever.) Okay, so she got ready for today and she decided to go with a blue theme--which she thought was cool, because it gives off a bit of a sporty look--which isn't her. Although, she likes to think that she is some kind of sport chick, once in a while. :) Hehehe. So, she went to school and got there about 5 min. before the bell ring. Danielle and Manda came up to the car to greet Julia (and partly her.) "Amy, come here," Manda said. "Ya?" Amy asked. "Erik wants to," Manda whispered "go up to you and say, 'do you hate me?' and you have to say, 'no.' And then he'll say, 'then hug me.' And then he'll ask you to kiss his arm." Okay...whatever... he was doing that yesterday, Amy thought. And she knew she would hug him (and kiss his ARM... which sounded kinda ridcluous, but whatever) if he asked her too. Just like yesterday. Okay... it didn't happen. Probably just 'cuz Erik had watched Manda talking to Amy, and he probably guessed (or heard) what she was saying. So, he didn't want to act so predictable... I guess.
(Okay, enough with the story. I just want to say it as if it is my point of view, now. Because it is my point of view. Right?)
Well, I had to go to class. Although, Erik did come up to me and instead of asking, "Do you hate me?" and me answering, "No." He said, "Did you know I'm taller?" I said, "Ya. But, I'm not sure about that today." (Since I was wearing kind of high shoes.) Everytime I stand face to face with him, close like that... and like yesterday... and like days before...I fall in love with him. I want to kiss him. He is so adorable! A lot of people say he's ugly... but you know what? That's their opinion. When you like/love someone, they may be the ugliest person you know, but to you they can be the most beautiful person you know.


... go to my next entry. ]]> http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/215_In_that_mood http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/215_In_that_mood Tue, 5 Oct 2004 19:23:40 PDT
"SADNESS"
I don’t know what to feel
Heart is dead
Mind confused
Don’t know what to do

Feel sad for many reasons
Family, lust, hatred
Can’t handle it all

Eyes crying
Body dying

No sound of hope
Just quiet humming
And distant echoes mourning


"HONEST LIES"
Why does everything seeem to go wrong?
I try to keep a good face,
I do my best to stay strong.
It's just so hard when you're constantly feeling like you have to lie.
About your life and about the times you cry.
I feel like I should hide all my pain and everything I keep buried in my soul.
Do you know how exactly this feels?
I've never felt something this cold.
You might say, "I know exactly how you feel."
But you never will, at least not for real.
You'll never have the pain I hide deep within me.
Not until you look through my eyes and see what they see.
My heart just feels so empty and so full of pain,
and even sometimes my fear hurts and loneliness builds up and makes the anger towards myself hard to mantain.

]]> http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/214_Love_you_so_much___ http://www.jemdiary.com/read/qtyogal/214_Love_you_so_much___ Tue, 5 Oct 2004 18:57:06 PDT

Even though we are not together
I care about you more than ever
When we talk I feel so close to you
I don't know what I'm supposed to do

I have almost forgotten what you did to me
I was hurting in every part of me
I was sad knowing this is how it came to be
But now I am happy that you are there for me

I gave you my tears
I gave you my heart
You made me happy
Right from the start

When I write this now
I start to think
How happy you make me
For you and only you I must thank

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