JEMDiary - prosper's diary

Calming down....

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 1:00:00 CDT

I can't believe that I had wrote up damn near a book and there was a "problem with my entry." That is very frustrating. Anway I talked about Charlie and Phi. Friend and sister and how their disappearance in my life has hit me harder than I would have like it to. But what does it matter...if I continue to write...I'll have a full entry and I'll try to save it and it will delete. Further wasting my time.....

Dismayed!!!!!

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 9:49:04 CDT

I JUST WROTE UP AN ENTIRE ENTRY AND LOST IT WHEN I WENT TO SAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Their Response

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 1:28:57 CDT

I didn't think that I would get a response after sending the message I pasted in "The Days of Gone" but I went to view my email today and there it was--THEIR RESPONSE.

It READ:

This comes to us as a shock and makes us question how committed you were and are to this play. See, this wasn't going to be the only show and after not getting to do this particular show date it is a let down to us as a whole, not just you all as cast members. The way I see it is that every set back is a set up for a come back and God has a plan for everything. He doesn't make any mistakes and the couple people that were supposedly supported you and us really wasn't doing that. Yes, were are re-casting (if you will starting over), but it is deemed necessary and the committed people have stepped forward. I doubt that it will take 3 mos to get the show on the road, however you are entitled to your own opinion. You of all people was the one that we felt really cared about his character the most and understood that the casting change was necessary. One person loss don't make or break you they only make you stronger (ie Righteous-Jonathan). The thing that puzzles me the most is that we stated that this will be our first show and it will be more shows afterward, however everyone seem to have treated this show as the only and last one. We will prevail and trust me if one is committed one will see everything to the end. One thing for sure is that; that don't kill me will only make me stronger and I stand up high with God in the midst. We are truly hurt that you have decided not to be committed for the long haul. My son, patience is a virtue. Maybe one day life lessons will prevail in your favor and allow you to see that there are growing pains when you are on the move to something that is great. Good luck!

That was it--there were sooooo many things in their response that pissed me off yet I felt no need to respond to it. And in the last few lines I could tell that they took this thing very personally and I hate for people to treat me as though I don't know what I'm doing or as if I'm not heading down the right path. "Maybe one day life lessons will prevail in your favor and allow you to see that there are growing pains." NUMBER ONE--they have not the slightest idea as to what I have gone through in my life. I know good and well what growing pains are--hell i've had them since I started pursuing the entertainment industry--there are so many disappointments that I have faced--way too many to count on BOTH hands and the failure of this play was one of them. They just have no idea how EXPERIENCED I am with the pursuit of a dream and it being snatched from you mercilessly by the powers that be--WHATEVER or WHOEVER THEY ARE!!! That's what I would have loved to say to them but instead I simply bit back rage and uncontrollable words and replied "Thank you."

I'm still an unpredictable fireball...

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 9:01:22 CDT

What are friend's for? A question that everyone has pondered a time or two in their lives. If you have friends then you know that true friends are there through the thick and thin, good and bad. But that doesn't seem to be the case with Charlie whom I have given chance after chance to prove his friendship to me. He told me he loves me which is new for him, considering that it is difficult for him to express his emotions toward anything. His attitude has costed him a lot of friends and more importantly his job. I have stuck out this rocky friendship based on my understanding that he NEEDS a friend. A good friend, a true friend--and that was I.

I paid his way into the clubs, I paid so that he'd have a way to get back and forth during his job search, I let him use my number as a contact for any potential employers. I've taken him to get something to eat when he was hungry, I've done all that I could to make him feel loved during his time of despair and what do I get in return? Left at the club, drunk, left at the train station, drunk. Last nite was the last straw and Charlie caught of piece of me that threw him completely off guard.

We were getting ready to hit up club Djangos. It was going to be free for ME because I know the guy that works there. He was going to get me and my boys in for free. So I invited Charlie to come with. So halfway there he decides he doesn't want to go. I get on the train he doesn't he sends me text telling me he's going home "Have fun!" That pissed me off because I was already pissy drunk and he knows how people are on the public transportation system. Anyone could have robbed me or just beat the shit of me, seeing that I was vulnerable to attack when alone. I WAS FURIOUS THAT HE WOULD LEAVE ME.

So I called Charlie and told him I was coming to get my shit. I ended up catching the train back to Kensington which is where he lives. And I marched drunkenly and outraged back to his apartment. And when I got there--this bastard had all of my shit at the door!!! He sent me a text saying don't come into my room. I kick that door open---he had this blank look on his face as if he thought that I would obey his command when he told me not to come in. His roomates were there, they saw my rage and retreated to their rooms--SMART.

Initially I had ignored Charlie when I entered I was just looking for any other items that may have belonged to me. But he opened his mouth. That was all it took. I don't even remember what he said but I EXPLODED!!!!! KABOOOOOOM!!!! He was quiet as a mouse, talking softly. Funny part about it is that he has a larger body mass than I have and he could have easily kicked my ass. But my attitude is so fierce when I'm angry I actually sound like I will do some damage. He threatened to call the police which let me know that he was terrofied of me. He has taken my friendship for granted and has left me too many times. Even Carlos, another friend of mine, asked me why I keep associating with Charlie. Carlos was the one who took me home the night Charlie left me at the club with no way home. NO REAL FREIND WOULD DO THAT!!! But over and over again--I went back to being the best friend that Charlie could ever have. Even when he made that upsetting comment about my mother. "I hope your dead mother is proud of you." That outraged me cause she is not dead...she is sick with HIV. I still labeled him a "friend" and would introduce him to people as my "play cousin." But I think I have to draw the line this time...even as I write this I want to get him back as my friend. But it has been so long that someone has pissed off the way I had been last night and if anyone gets me to that point they most certainly are not my friend. THEY ARE MY ENEMY!

So I'm starting over...

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:47:35 CDT

I knew that I would have to make so changes after the downfall of the play. I wasn't sure as to what I would do. But then I remembered what I had gotten in the mail from the performance arts school I used to attend. It was this flyer that stated they would be holding auditions for a class of which is actually a play--does that make sense? A play structured like a class. Well I get it and it sounds like that's something I need to dive into so I'm leaping. Of course it does cost but not having a car not and insurance to pay anymore puts a load of money back in my pocket. While I do still plan on getting another whip I am taking my time and using some funds for some contructive activities in my life. This is my way of starting all over or as I've heard it said--making lemonade out of the lemons that life has thrown me.

Yea!!! That's a plan!!!

I got a little drunk last night. Not too much. I went to Charlie's house and chilled with his miserable ass for a little while. He needs a friend right now. More importantly--HE NEEDS A JOB!!! I am trying to get him on where I work but he doesn't seem interested in working at the same place as a person he knows very well. I sorta agree with that concept but that doesn't really change the fact that he needs money and that his bills are not going to stop coming. Nonetheless, I left that option open for him--whether he takes it or not is another story.