JEMDiary - pablo's diary

What an Amazing Thing!

Mon, 7 May 2007 21:24:51 PDT

So, an incredible thing happened to me today - I rediscovered JEMDiary. This is amazing because of BigA. I see my last entry was a solid 2 years ago, and that period of time fits when I would have been more conscious of JEMDiary's existence. Interesting reading some of the thoughts I wrote about before completely forgetting about JD. Quite the changes JD 3.0 have brought. Interesting new interface. Looks good, though I liked the old one just fine. I wonder if skins will ever be supported, and if anyone would write them if it were.

Two years. A lots happened in the last two years. First and foremost, I'm getting married next month. This is exciting news. Looking forward to the wedidng and hoping lots of friends and family come for the big event. That's pretty paramount in my mind right now, as planning and preparations have consumed a lot of time and energy, although not as much on my part as that of my fiancee's, who has done most of the planning.

I took some time tonight to look through Myspace, which eventually led me here. It's nice to track down old friends and classmates. It sure becomes hard to keep in touch over time. Harder ever year, which seem to slip by quickly these days.

Well, enough for now. We'll see if I forget for another 2 years or not.

Mid-life crisis...every day?

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 14:50:28 PDT

So, I learned once in an Intro to Psychology about what generally causes people to have a Mid-Life crisis. People go through a phase generally when they are considered middle-aged. They start to realize that life is moving on, and age is catching up to them. They realize they are not and will not become a 4-star general, a CEO, or a great politician. People want to think their life has a great purpose, that they are here for a reason and that what they do every day furthers society and contributes to all of the other good in the world. Your average person looks at their average job and average life and thinks that they have not done anything great. Since time will not allow them the chance, they fear they will amount to nothing more than an "average" person, not having done any great deeds or made a significant impact on society.

Similar things pass through my mind from time to time. What am I doing? Why am I here? Am I not taking advantage of life to its fullest? Should I be striving to be even greater than I am? What society would we have without people that contributed their entire lives furthering its success? Why should others make such sacrifices while I live contededly in mediocrity.

There are implications about the purpose of life from both religion and society in general. It's a topic that keeps philosphers and theologians ever so busy. Regardless, I believe we all must remember a very basic thought. That we, as a society, function for the individual. Each of us must live our lives to the fullest that we feel we can. We must do our best in all that we do. We must respect and help our neighbors in all things that we do. We must be selfless, and through our compassion for others we will find joy beyond what any other single accomplishment can give us. I believe we are all here to simply live our lives. Some of us are meant to be 4-star generals, or the president of a great nation. Others are meant to simply live what most consider to be an average life.

Everyone can affect the lives of those around them. We are here to make a difference to each other. And if everyone lived for that same reason, people across the world would be content and our society would progress by everyone doing their part, no matter how small or insignificant some might think it is.

Why all of this meaningless babble? I think that we should all be content to be alive, to be living in the great world that surrounds us. We should not waste time away dreaming and wishing we were somewhere else... with someone else... doing something else. Life is whatever we make of it. Our happiness is limited only by our hearts and our minds.

Episode III

Mon, 16 May 2005 21:44:57 PDT

So, I hate to say, about all I can think about is work and Episode III. A ton of crap going on at work right now, almost too much to think about. Very exciting though.

Episode III and my purchase of a new car which I hope to be driving by Wed. are on the forefront of my mind, however.

I guess I'm not sure what else to write right now. I gotta hit the sack. I noticed I haven't written in like a month, so I thought I better put something down. :)

Explaining Why You Feel...

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 21:21:07 PDT

As you read the title of this entry, try it. Explain why you feel happy, or sad, or angry. Sometimes, I find myself caught up in some emotion, but completely unable to articulate it into words. Why does one action or situation upset me so much? And in the name of all that is good, why can't I come up with a good explanation for it? Then I go back through the events in my head, and I think, "That was not a big deal, you spas." This is true = trying to trace the situation out in your head with some common sense usually results in my disagreeing with what I felt.

Sometimes it happens repetitively. People refer to this as a pet peeve. Something that other people do, but for some reason it pisses you off. It's your pet peeve. After years of nobody being able to explain why those certain actions upset them, someone finally decided to just call it a "pet peeve." Now it is the acceptable explanation.

"Why does that upset you?"
"It's a pet peeve of mine."
"Oh, I see."

All that really means is: "I have no good reason for being upset at that, but it upsets me, so let's just leave it at that."

Sometimes, however, this can lead to trouble. What if it's something a person can't just "write off" in their head? Where is the resolution? When I find myself there, I try my very best to simply work through it myself. Sometimes just sitting and thinking about it all brings a sort of resolution in and of itself. You go over the events, slowly, and think about how you reacted. Eventually, if you can will your emotions to another level, you just resolve it on your own. You keep telling yourself it's not the tragedy you thought it might be, and eventually you start to believe yourself.

Sounds crazy, eh? It sounds immasculine, too. I wouldn't write this babble here if I didn't enjoy it a little, but when I stop and think about it, it doesn't present me as a very "manly man." Sometimes I feel bad about that, but obviously not enough to stop. It's hard to get past the stereotype of being a man. I think that a true "man" is someone who doesn't need to always prove themself to other people, but can concentrate on making the lives of people around them just a little bit better.

There it is - my periodic spewing forth of nonsensical words arranged as you see them. Hope you didn't miss an exciting part of life to read them (or become angry at something you read;).

Saturdays

Sat, 9 Apr 2005 18:08:29 PDT

Something about Saturdays. I don't know what it is, but they always make me a crab-ass for some reason. I think it's because a lot of my Saturdays are empty. I look forward to the weekend, but when a Saturday comes around when I don't have anything planned, and I just sit around all day. Or do things like clean, etc., etc. I don't know, I feel empty sometimes. When I try to think my way through it all, though, it doesn't really make sense. I mean, it's just another day. And I don't think my life is empty.

I've got the best girlfriend a guy could ask for, lots to do and think about, but it feels like something is missing. And I don't know what. Sometimes I think it's because I live alone. Not alone without a significant other, I mean alone without my family. Before I moved out, in High School and what not, there were almost always people around. Someone to go talk to, etc. Saturdays, for some reason, sort of remind me that it's just me here.

I wish I could figure out a way to not be crabby. You know, a lot of people say that the mind is such an incredibly powerful thing. I wonder if there is anyone who can bend their will to trully control their emotions. I think a person's emotions are more powerful than their mind... And by mind I guess I mean a person's ability to logicially think about a problem.

You know, emotions can be the best thing, or the worst thing in the world. Why is it always like that. Everything that brings you the most joy can turn around and bite you in the ass harder than anything else. Two extremes, working almost in balance of each other. Sort of like the old "balance of good and evil" analogy. You wonder if those are really meant to balance each other, sort of like emotions vs. logical thinking.

I guess these two extremes are the price we pay to be human. As much as the lesser attractive of each extreme seems, I can't imagine life without them. What I mean is, if we could get rid of emotions that make you feel bad, but had to lose the good ones, I don't think it would be good to get rid of them. As many wise men have said, the bad stuff makes the good stuff that much sweeter.

This was a lot of nonsensical rambling. I hope not too many people wasted their time reading it. I'm not sure why, but I guess it feels good sometimes to type out a bunch of shit that's on your mind.

Hope you have a good Saturday. ;)