and he always complains when he's home and i come on the computer. it's my way of relaxing... his is going on bike rides and watching encore movies mine is to go on the computer, myspace it up or write.

so today i checked the mail when i got home from work and i had a key in the there to get a package i got out of one of the bigger mail compartments... i go to get it out and the freaking compartment won't open... either i put the key in the wrong part (which I'm pretty sure i didn't) or the freaking door won't open. i pull on it and pull on it, ya know everything you do in public to totally look like an idiot, especially little ol' me and the stupid thing won't open and without matt here i don't know what to do so i call my mom... she's in the shower... so i call the manager and he says that he has nothing to open it but says he'll look into it... 20 mins later i don't hear anything from him so i'm like shoot what the hell do i do. i call matt at work he says to go down and just wiggle the key and pretty do whatever i did before to look like idiot, he says to do it all over again only more dramatic. so i do and look like even more of an idiot... whatever i didn't care... i knew that the package was my avon make-up and i wanted that freaking make-up! so i got it open! whatever i looked like an idiot to look better with my new make-up! i love my new make-up. i hope it's not too dark fro my face, my mom says it isn't. i just love avon so much better. remind me next time to never leave avon and go to covergirl b/c it's more convient... i don't freaking care. the avon make-up makes me look so much more natural and it covers up so much better!

then when matt calls back he tells me that i have to call cox cable and find out why the bill is 11 dollars more... after being on hold for 11 mins i find out that they raised the prices on everything. well matt was so concerned about our stimulus money, since we haven't gotten it yet that he didn't even ask about that. he wanted me to go knock on our old apartment's door and as the guy that lives there if he has gotten any mail for us. i told him no that i wasn't doing it and he got all mad at me. sorry i'm not doing that. and the website that you can go to check on your stimulus said that the IRS won't even do anything about it unless you haven't gottne it by july 25th so i'm not going to worry about it until then. matt just seems to think that we should have gotten it by now. i'm just patient and i know we'll get it in the end. whatever.

i was just on the phone since the moment i walked in the door from getting off work. and ya know technically i never get a chance to chill when i get off of work. i always come home and have to deal with shit. ugh it's so annoying.

i'm going laundry right now. boring! i wish there was someone here to keep me company.

lots of things on my mind...

the whole being bi thing is kinda annoying. i wish i could just find a girl so i can at least experience something before i die. and man there is focus girl (she lives by me and i don't know her name). she is gorgeous and she has smiled at me a few times and said hi but that's it. matt says she likes me but it's so hard to tell which girls are bi and which are just being nice. i have thought about talking to her but i don't know what to say. like it's so much harder to make friends when you're an adult than when you're a little kid. kids just walk up to someone and say hi what's your name my name is so-and-so. grrr... cuz like i would want to be friends if nothing more. it would be so cool to have friend that lives just down the way from me. it would be so easy to hang out with someone when matt isn't here. ugh...

so like if anyone reading my journal knows a hot girl that is bi that lives close by me let me know! HOOK IT UP! LOL.

and so like i have a new song too... it's called "i kissed a girl" lol i LOVE it!

so matt wants to move to texas. i don't want to move there. one, nate lives there, and two all of matt's high school friends and girlfriends live there and i don't want to meet them and i don't want to have to deal with all his old gfs being like "oh matt you're so hot". ugh. can't handle it! i don't even want to be in the same state as nate. ugh. i'm ughing a lot lol.

matt always talks about texas and it's so lame. like texas is so much more better than cali. whatever!

gotta go check laundry...

well gotta go back soon but gosh i don't know there just seemed so much more in my head.

i guess the only thing that is bothering me is the whole bi thing. like i'm REALLY attracted to girls (guys too though). i just really want to experience SOMETHING ANYTHING. even just making out would do. i have tired everything. online dating sites, myspace, even craigslist... and i have gotten nothing. there aren't many hot bi girls here in santee. oh well. maybe someday. and i need like a good girl porn to watch to satisfy myself until i can find a girl. it's so frustrating.

hmmm... don't know what else to write so i'm think i'm done for the moment.

ok i had a great 4th of july until i came home.

first off i got most of my grocery shopping done but am worried i spent too much again... especially b/c matt said to keep it light. BUT i tried to look past that b/c everything i bought we needed... (well maybe we didn't NEED 2 things of ice cream, 3 packages of cookies.... and so on and so forth but everything else i bought we needed). then my mom said she was going to take my little bro to my aunt's house to go swimming so i said i wanted to go too since i can lay out and get tan. so i went there and when i came back i went to my boss' house b/c she had invited me over for a bbq. i was there for a while and had tons of fun! :] then i went to my parents and we went and watched the fireworks.

well in the middle of all that 3 annoying things happened. ok first of all matt having to work was already annoying but that's not even included into the 3. one, i got our car insurance bill in the mail today, they want us to pay 3 hundred and something for this month! i have no idea how we're going to pay that! then i started thinking about how both me and matt's car registration is due in august and something was telling me to check the paper and see if i need to be smogged. AND WHAT TO DO FREAKING KNOW I HAVE GREAT LUCK AND I HAVE TO GET MY CAR SMOGGED! wonderful wonderul! ahhh! and to top that all off my dad was so cranky it made me not want to be around my family at all. that's why i hung around my bosses and my friends for so long b/c i didn't want to go to my parents and be around someone that was just choosing to be in a bad mood. it's annoying. why do you have to be in such a bad mood? don't know it puts the people around you in a bad mood. ok so i just came to a realization... matt has been saying that i have been cranky lately and we have been bickering lately too... gotta fix the crankiness!

ok so i'm trying not to stress about this money thing! i know we get paid 3 times in august so that's how we can pay our registration... it's just the insurance thing that i don't understand. our insurance is normally 194 a month. why are they making us pay 371???!!! then every month after that it's 189. i don't get it! we started out at 194 then it went to 189 then it went back to 194 now all the way up to 371 and then down again to 189. it doesn't make sense! ahhh! i just can't wait until matt gets home and we can get this sorted out. i swear i'm helpless without my husband. i don't know how i would survive life without him. i mean i have... but like he was still helping me so i wasn't completely on my own... he was still paying my car insurance so that i could survive! well he's on his way home right now. i'm going to try and stay calm and not act all stressed out and depressed i know we'll figure this out somehow.

ya know i really hate money!

And it didn't make it at all better when I had full attendance today (9 two year olds) and it was water play so I have to change them all myself, sunscreen them all myself. Granted, yes, I love my job and I stay doing it even though it's like this and yes, I complain but who doesn't complain about something when it comes to their job even if they love it. It's the other things that I enjoy. I'm not getting into it.

And then ok here comes the long story, Matt's not home so I'm going to go on and on...

So everyone knows the economy is going to shit the environment is going to shit... So at work Alicia had a suggestion that we all start recycling at work and some of them will take the recycling in to get the money and they will come back and put it in a jar and once there is enough they will buy lunch for everyone or a treat, just something for EVERYONE! So she wrote this on a paper made copies and made a little flier and passed it around to everyone. Well right away Norma went to Gretchen and started complaining saying that she thinks it's stupid. Why? She had no reason. Brooke and Piper, our bosses buy us watered bottles they want those of us that drink it to put them in their recycling and not to use them for our own profit, totally understandable, everyone respected that except Norma, who had been taking them home for her own profit. Christyne todl me today that she has been hiding them in with her kids clothes so no one would see... how Christyne found out I don't know, she has her way. So today Brooke posted a noticce saying that if we drink their water then we need to put them into their recycling. Right when Norma say it she went to Gretchen and told her that she knew it was directed towards her and she was going to talk to Brooke and tell her that she knew it was for her and blah blah blah. GOSH SHE PISSES ME OFF! Oh and Norma's whole thing is that she started the recycling thig first and Alicia copied her. OMG! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! GROW UP GIRL! Does it really matter who started it. I'm sorry you can't steal from the center anymore. She had also asked me a while ago to bring her my recyclables so she can have them... ummm... no, why would I want to get money for my stuff. She is just the most selfish person I have ever met. Come on. Oh, I'm just so irritated by this. And this is not the only thing that people are like, "I started it first and she is coping me..." they do that when it comes to art projects. If someone thinks of something and some of us copy it b/c we like it or think it's cute they complain and are like they copied me, blah blah blah. Gretchen and I do the same things all the time! We plan the same thing for art on the same days! I told Brooke today that I was sick of the immaturity and she said yeah, I told her about the art thing and she said that if anything people should be flattered by someone taking their art project b/c they liked it. I told her that I agreed. Whatever. I'm so sick of most them. Especially Norma, she is driving me up the wall. I don't even want to be around her at all anymore.

Oh and another work thing... they changed our schedule for in the morning and our 2 year olds are not allowed outside in the morning b/c of diapering and potties. Whatever, I don't care anymore, except when I look outside I can see Norma and Kathie out there and both their backs are to the kids as the kids are digging hole after hole and they are not supposed to be digging holes. We just got our ground evened out. They can't be doing that. It just bugs me!

Oh, and I did write back to Mayra... What I gathered from it is that we are just catching up. Whatever. We'll see what happens. I know I didn't take your advice Aaron, but after thinking about it I followed my heart. Thanks for your imput, you know I always appreciate it.

So I called Gretchen and vented to her. I feel a little better. But now my husband irriated me! Grrr.... 

Anyways, she never responded to me about the letter I wrote her. I offered to have us talk about it and try to remain friends but she never said anything about it. I assumed that she felt the same way. Then out of no where today I get a message on myspace from her... It said:

I hope all is well and I hope you get your 08 baby.
Luv ya!
Mayra

Ok luv ya? What's up with that? So I have no clue how to respond to that. I sent Chelsea a message on myspace to have her help me. I told my husband and he said to just ignore it (he hates Mayra). And Bethany said to just say thanks. But I'm wondering if this is supposed to mean something or if it's a test or something. So I'm wondering if this is another shot at our friendship or I don't know. I told Chelsea that I think I'm just hoping that she has changed but I highly doubt. I think I'm just wishing that she's different and more mature so I can have my friend back. I do miss her but like our old frienship not the more recent one.

ugh. I hate drama. Why can't it stay away for a while. I always have something coming at me.

Well I want to write more but I have a very exhausting day and should probably get ready to go to bed. Ugh I don't want to work tomorrow. At least it's Friday tomorrow. Yay! Weekend! OH! And I have next Friday off for 4th of July! Awesome! My mood just got a little better.

I will write more hopefully tomorrow or something.