shanni1smiles's Diary

A Jewish Boy - AJewish Girl

Im scared...and jealous...and nervous...and excited....and irritated. Icky's back. I'm back. But im scared because he said he met a girl there...in Colorado....who was just like me but jewish. He said that everyone there liked her and cried when she left. She was popular. He said that he wants to give me his journal and that he wrote about her alot in it. Im jealous of her because the way he describes her...i'll bet she was beautiful..... He told me that she liked him and that she said she loved him. He says he thinks its a different kind of love than the one we share. But she makes me nervous. He makes me nevrous. Im ony insecure when it comes to him. I just dont think im good enough. I know people who woud argue otherwise with one glance...but they dont know how wonderfu he is. When it comes to any other guy competeing with some girl for his attention is no problem. But I just dont think I could do it if some other girl tried to take him away. I'd let her win. Easy. I know that I should be willing to (figuratively) fight for him if had to but I dont think I could stand up. I'd cowar. Beth.the.ex was pretty. Would there even be any contest if she wanted him back? I've been told before that im ugly, beautiful, pretty, funny-lookin. And i always hear how much like my mother I look. If i had a nickel for eveytime some guy tried to hit on my mother in front of me i could wipe my ass with Donald Trump's hairpiece and it woudnt matter, because i would OWN him. LoLz! I tickle myself. Im scared to read his journal what if he loves her?

On a high note, I dreamed about my second string last night. SexE and I were spinning, spinning, spinning. It was CR@Z33 (crazy) colorful, like something out of "Across The Universe." He was holding me while we were spinning. Holding me really tight, but i didnt mind. He'd just run up to me and hugged me, picked me up and spun me around (like he'd done so many times before in actuality) without speaking a single word. Then we just fell to the ground and we started spinning and eveything aroung us became a blur of colors, and where it had been winter before, all of the snow around us disappeared. All of the heavy clothing we were wearing was gone and there was just he and I.....the wind blowing around us, the crazy beautiful colors, and the intense feeling i felt in the pit of my stomach that I was certain he shared. It was kinda scary, definatley weird. It just...came outta no where. Like how i fell for Icky...all those dreams I had about him...im having about a jewish boy.

I just talk too much.