shanni1smiles's Diary

Even Before The Sun

I feel kinda guilty writing about this guy, but hes what you would call my second string (the guy i would be with if i didnt have a boyfriend). Im not going to use his real name because I never use real names but we re just gonna calll him Sex-E. Hes really funny, sweet, and ive had a crush on him since the first time I saw him which was the first day of freshmen orientation. I dismissed the feelings for a long while though, when I found out he had a girlfriend. We re in the same division and we have the same lunch so we see each other everyday (which is incredibly lucky because my school has a population of 2,000 not including staff and falculty, so you could go a whole day and not even see your friends if you guys arent in the same classes). One day, he and I were at our lockers at the same time and he just came out and told me ¨Tartar (nm chng) broke up with me.¨ I was actually really surprised that he even told me just flat out like that because at the time he and i really werent that close. So I gave my usual reaction to things he told me ¨You re kidding!¨"I felt bad for him because he looked kinda crushed but at the same time I was thinking inside of head ¨YES! YES! YES! THANK YOU GOD!¨ He I and I have gotten alot closer since he and his girlfriend broke up and he gives me these huge hugs everytime he sees me, and yesterday when I was observing the day of silence he kept trying to hug me so hard that I would scream. As bad as it hurt, I held out, and he did it TWICE! My friend Cherri tells me that she he thinks he likes me but I dont know. We only have like six or seven weeks of school left and id really like to know for sure but im kinda ascared to ask. He asked me out once but it was all in front of the guys so I knew nine times outta ten he was just kidding. I dont even know if I should ask because as much as I like him I love my boyfriend.