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redstar's Diary

german computers

Added: June 27, 2004, 2:33 pm  (78 views)
i'm so irritated right now. not only does my e-mail not send, but the phone card my mom gave me refuses to work correctly. and the operators at MCI needn't get all pissy at me, either. so i'm gonna hear it from my mom when i get back, about why i haven't called or anything. it's because I CAN'T!!! believe me, if i could, i would. my yahoo e-mail account that's never been used doesn't really work either. should i try kiwibox... i might, if it still exists. i'm so mad.
anyway, things are still alright. today we had jonas pick us up and take us to this park to play basketball, which was alright, even though we really didn't do much. then we went with valentina's family to the freiburg stadtpark, which was really pretty. it's really hard to appear nice when you don't feel comfortable at all with the language. really, nobody can ever understand a word i say when i try to speak german around here, and they're not usually very nice about it either. so i basically stick with english, which isn't the idea of this trip, and everything just sucks. well the good part is that valentina's friends are awesome. i like them more than my pathetic friends back home. hell, even brad hasn't e-mailed me yet. i miss him so much. people here, the couples are so affectionate, and not like in a nasty way. i see people together, especially damien and janine, and i feel like crying. why couldn't brad be more like that. even so, i mean, if he wants to break up with me, then he should just tell me already. i don't know, i'd rather break it off with him though, you know? because nobody, nobody ever dumps lisa. it just doesn't work like that. but i mean, aside from john, where did i go wrong? i love him more than anything (except for my savior), and i don't understand why he doesn't see that. at his little graduation after-party, he was a total bastard to me. not so much as at the actual graduation itself, but he really didn't want me around or something. ugh, after the graduation, he totally blew me off for the ride to his house, leaving me to go with my mom instead. not that there's anything wrong with that, but why doesn't he want to be around me anymore? is it because i decided to come here to germany? and just think, tomorrow's our anniversary too. a whole year... i think i'm going to try to call him tomorrow. until then, i can feel the tears welling up, and it's probably best that i get off the computer so that valentina doesn't see me cry.

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