redstar's Diary

An entry, sort of per Gamble's request

So I don't really write in here too frequently anymore because, well I really don't know why. Too many thoughts that are too sporadic in my head to ever try to get down on paper, or e-journal or whatever. Maybe I should start trying to get better at the whole consolidating-my-thoughts-into-one thing.

So an update- I'm now dating Rob. I don't think I've explained who he is in the past, and I'm not really going to bother, either. We've been together for a few months- the intensity of that togetherness is still debateable, so I'm finding. But anyway, we had our first big issue tonight. You could call it a fight, but Lisa Glow is not a fighter. Basically, I decided to go to a Superbowl party last minute on the other side of the state with the other guy I was interested in before I started dating Rob. He was all for me doing my own thing, but apparently that fucked him up more than I realized, as he was really cold and off today. But blah blah blah the nitty gritty details are not my point, but rather what I am gaining from this.

I'm trying my hardest to be the best damn girlfriend anyone's ever had, and I need to continue doing so. I'm sick of the person who I used to be, who was essentially a whore, and I'm ready to stick with one person, also with the hope of having some sort of future together. But anyway, I need to understand and respect Rob's point of view better than I do. I learned tonight that he cares for me a lot more than I realized, and that he actually has a set of balls. Basically, I'm finding that if I'm going to date him, then I need to do it whole-heartedly and he needs to be the first person in my life aside from family. I need to evaluate my friends and figure out where I stand with each of them instead of just going for instant gratification all the time. I always say that I really don't have many friends, and I'm finding that to be truer than ever. Scott doesn't even really count. Carolyn is almost useless. And that's really about it... Dave? Well in any event, if me and Rob are going to do this relationship thing, then we need to do it together. Hopefully I'm not making myself vulnerable, but he's right- he's given me no reasons whatsoever not to trust him, and it's not even that. I do trust him. Now I need to prove myself as able and trustworthy myself, which really isn't too difficult of a task. I need to make my actions and my words match up, I think that's the biggest thing.

Wish me luck, because I've got too much of a good thing here to lose.