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qtyogal's Diary

His Apartment Girl

Added: October 1, 2004, 6:35 am  (76 views)
I probably have zero-amount of time to write because my mom will probably tell me to go take a shower or clean up something or get ready for bed. Although, I NEED a shower. I feel really dirty and my hair is really oily. So, I feel really ugly. But, I’ll take one tomorrow morning—‘cuz this girl has gotta write!
I feel really good about myself school-wise right now. As I’ve said before I have been sort of irresponsible lately. And, I still am. So, it’s not totally new. But, I just got finished doing most of my homework and I watched the whole presidential debate for extra credit in History. I feel so proud of myself. And, it actually was pretty interesting—to my surprise.

Okay, I just got off the phone with Chloe’ who I haven’t talked to in a while. So, it was kind of cool to hear from her. And I told her everything about the Erik situation. Well, now I have VERY LITTLE time to write anything.

Well, let me just tell you the main thing. Erik has been playing around with my emotions, a little bit. Yesterday, I didn’t add an entry ‘cuz I was at my dad’s house and our computer is broken. I mean totally broken! And it’s getting fixed right now. So, I may not have it for a while. So, I didn’t get to write in my diary. Although, after school I took time writing a 6-page letter to Erik that I never, ever, ever planned on giving to him. OK, so yesterday I was avoiding Erik as usual and I planned on MASTERING my plan. Since I didn’t really care about my rep and whatever. So, I was gonna do it! In Reading class, we had to do this survey thing, which I don’t have time to explain what for, right now. But, since 7th & 8th have Reading together (and I’m in Erik’s class) the 7th graders had ask the 8th graders some questions about being a teenager and so for. Which, was kinda lame, but ya…whatever. And the 7th graders only had to ask five 8th graders. And, Erik chose me. It couldn’t have been the last resort, because we have twelve 8th graders in that class that he could’ve chose from. But, I was the last one on his list. The questions that he had to ask me were:
What’s your biggest fear? (And I answered…) Being Alone. (No, I’m not scared of being home alone or anything like that. I mean… I am scared of being totally alone, with no one to turn to. No friends, no family… no one. Although I know I probably shouldn’t be afraid of that, ‘cuz I always have God.)
Then the next question was:
What are your three biggest fears? (And I answered…) Being Alone, Home schooling (It almost always makes me scream inside and get this fear over my body, when I think about going back to Home school. I can’t stand it!) and… Getting Hurt. (Physically and Broken-Heart kind of hurt. I need to start staying away from guys that I know can hurt me… ‘cuz I am so scared of being hurt.)
Next question:
What do you want to do in the future? (And I answered…) Publish a book. (Okay, so it was a lame answer… but that’s the first thing that came to mind.)
What are you going to do, to get there? (And I answered…) Write! (LOL—no biggie, there.)
What might get in your way? (And I answered…) Time & Money (And, I think, that was a reasonable answer.)
Then, the last question was:
What do you like about being a teenager? (In my mind I was thinking… NOTHING! But, I’m sure there’s SOMETHING. I answered…) Nothing. (But then I said…) Well, maybe I get to do more stuff. (But, that was a stupid answer.)
What do you like least about being a teenager? (And I answered…) Mood swings. (And that’s probably the truth. Being moody.)
Okay, so he asked me those questions after some other 7th graders asked me. Then when we were done, I was thinking, “Okay, just walk away and ignore him, Amy. Show him that you don’t care.” (Even if I really do care.) But, then he stood tall next to me and got his flirty smile on. (The one that I love so much… but haven’t seen lately, after the break-up and all.) I couldn’t help but smile. But, I quickly snapped out of it. ‘Cuz I still didn’t want him thinking that he is the leader here, and he can just throw me around and get me to like him whenever he wants me to. It’s funny how something so small, like a smile can mean a lot to someone. Or someone like me. That smile meant the world to me. I loved that smile. I couldn’t get enough of that smile. And, all through lunch I couldn’t stop smiling just because of that one flippin’ smile! Oh ya, and as he stood tall next to me in Reading with that adorable smile he said, “I’m taller.” (He had to like me right? That was our thing to say, when we were together. That was OUR THING. So, he had to like me, right? Amy, no—not really. Stop acting like a dork and get over it.) All I said was, “No, not necessarily. Yesterday, I was taller.” (Just ‘cuz I was wearing high-heeled boots.) He just smiled. Then, Mark (who is guaranteed to like me—as weird as it is, ‘cuz he is always trying to flirt with me and get in a conversation and is STOCKING ME!! No kidding. And, he is a nice guy, so I’m nice back to him. But, it just sorta freaks me out sometimes, ‘cuz I know he likes me. He doesn’t have to say it… I already know it.) Well, anyway, Mark came over to Erik and I (and tried to get in our way, as usual) and said, “Oh, Erik you’re probably asking Amy the questions, since you like her.” (Well, obviously Mark was slow with the break-up news.) And I was thinking, “What the heck? He can ask me questions and not like me. Stop acting so immature. Go away.” But, come to think about it, inside my head, I was acting pretty immature myself. So, I needed to stop acting like a hypocrite. Well, Erik said nothing to the question. Which, I felt good about. To show that he’s not so much of a jerk about not liking me anymore. Then, Christian came up and said, “No… he doesn’t like her anymore.” And Erik didn’t say anything to that either. Which, I felt good by. But, whatever. At least it shows he’s not as much of a jerk as I thought he might be. After that, the bell rang, and it was starting to feel uncomfortable with nothing appropriate to say to Erik… so I was glad the bell rang. I didn’t want to start OUR thing by saying, “You’re predictable” or “Sprite’s better…” and all the stuff we’d say to each other to break silence. Which, you probably couldn’t understand why we said the things we did. But, I think we got it. Since it was OUR THING. Okay… so at lunch, nothing happened. And during P.E. Erik played softball, like he had the day before. Probably just to get away from me. But, whatever. I am getting sick and tired of softball and soccer. I never played softball, just because Erik would always play soccer. But, now that he was playing softball I still wanted to play soccer to make it look like I wasn’t stocking him or anything. Okay, so if any of that was interesting… that was the only thing interesting during school. Then, right before my last class Danielle came up to me and said, “Erik just told me, he asked a girl out at his apartments, the night of the break-up.” And to hide my misery I said, “Well, knowing him, I would expect that.” Then, during English… I usually love English, especially because we got to type today. But, I didn’t feel like writing a story, today. I wanted to type out what was bothering me. I had tears in my eyes, and in the computer lab I was telling Stefani what was wrong and Ben and Janelle overheard and they were just saying how stupid and what a jerk he was. Then, after school I went right up to Erik and…

Okay, sorry to end the story, right there. But, I have to go to school now. ‘Cuz it is the next morning of when I wrote this and I need to go to school! I wish I had time to write but I can’t. So, whenever I find time, again I will write about Today (Friday) and Thursday (Yesterday, or the day I was writing this) and the rest of Wednesday where I had ended, but didn’t finish. Okay, talk later.

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