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qtyogal's Diary

Why do you think...?

Added: September 25, 2004, 8:45 am  (71 views)
... I didn't. As in, I didn't kiss him like I said I did. Let me explain: if you would have read my entry before this titled, "Disenchantment..." you would have read about how I kissed Erik. Well, I didn't. Okay? Why do you think that entry was titled, "Disenchanment?"

This is what really happened: So, everything was true up to the point where I had kissed him. Yes, he did get hit in the head with a basketball, and then he took it and ran after Chris trying to "kill" him. He just ran after him--and that was basically it. While, Chris, Lucas, and Erik were playing there little game, I just walked away. And, I think Erik noticed, too. I had said goodbye to him (as you would've read in my other entry.) And, then I just left. I really did want to kiss him--but he was in the middle of something, and he didn't look interested. His older brother, who dosn't go to our school, was standing there and watching the whole thing. I think he sensed that something was wrong with me. And, I walked past him and it almost seemed like he was going to say something to me, but he didn't. I walked to my car, and just sat there with my mom and waited for Julia to come. I told my mom that I had at D+ in math, and she yelled at me and stuff. And, surprisngly I didn't even care. I cried a little--but I didn't care. I didn't care, at the time, if my mom was upset. I just wasn't caring about that stuff, right then. From the review mirror, I could see Erik and his brother walking to their car. His brother was talking to him, and I was curious on what he was telling him. Although, what's the chances of it being about me? When, we got home Mom and Quinten took a nap. And I just hung out on the computer, and watched TV, and ate a lot of food. Then, when my mom woke up we had dinner and we did chores. Then, at 7:00 we left to go to this vesper's thing at Mark's house. Erik had raised his hand, in school, about planning to be there. So, I was hoping I would see him there--and we would have a chance to hang out. So, Julia and I went there. And, not that many people were there as what I imagined. Although, there were quite a few. But, out of 'em--there was no Erik. I sat on the couch next to Nik (Erik's best friend) and next to Danielle (one of my sister's best friends.) I wasn't participating in anything... neither were the rest of the people sitting with me. I just watched and laughed. Pastor Case (Katie's dad) was in charge and giving us the "sex talk." It was kind of moronic, actually. We did this thing, where two people would volunteer to go up front. Then, they would each roll a dice that would tell the kind of person they would be playing. Such as a teacher, adult, young adult, parent, teenager, elder...whatever. Then, they would pick a card and read the topic that they would have to discuss. Such as if you should do sex before marriage. And, if you're gay what do you do... and if your depressed what do you do... and if your thinking about sucide what do you do... and all this other "problem stuff" that we had to talk about. So ya, it was pretty idotic. But, it was funny as we watched them try to act it out, and think of what to say. Then, after ward we just had some snacks and then my mom came to pick Julia and I up at nine, and a lot of my friends were crowding around my car and saying how cute Quinnie was. But, he wasn't talking much. then, we went home. And I was really thinking about Erik and I wanted to call him--but it was kinda late to get on the phone with him. So, I just decided to sleep downstairs, so if I decided to call him, l8ter, my mom wouldn't be able to hear me as well. Then, I just stayed up for a while text messaging some of my friends, and then I just left my phone on and hoping and hoping and hoping someone would call me... perhaps Erik. 'Cuz I just felt like talking to someone... especially Erik.

Well, it is 20 minuets 'til 10:00 on Saturday morning. I'm at my mom's house and Julia is at Roseville church with Danielle, playing her violin up front. My mom had to go to a meeting, so she couldn't take us to church. Ms. Nina was gonna take my sister, so she could play... and that's what she did. So, i am left home alone until noon, when my mom gets off her meeting. And Quinten is at his dad's house, today, so I don't have to bother with babysitting him today. Although, tonight my mom is working and Julia and I have to babysit him--then. But, that's not 'til tonight.
I think it is good that i feel like I want to go to church, this morning. I wish I would've called my dad and asked him to take me to Central church with him. I know he wouldd've come pick me up. Becasue I know he likes it when I want to go to church. I feel that I want to hang out with Erik. And, this would've been a fun Sabbath, since my sister wouldn't have been there to follow me around everywhere. I also feel that I am falling away from God, a little. I don't know why--but i do. And, not going to church, today, just makes me feel bad and un-faithful. I wish I was at church right now!

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