qtyogal's Diary

distressedVery Confused

Added: September 12, 2004, 8:07 pm  (63 views)
I feel very confused, right now. Ever since Erik asked me out I have been HAPPY HAPPY, all the time. But, then at the same time, everything is annoying me and I feel really lazy and I don't want to do anything... except talk to Erik. What is the matter with me? Can someone please explain this to me? I have been thinking about him all day. I just got off the phone with him, and he had some what of a "whatever" tone in his voice, which surprisingly, hurt. He just wasn't that cheerful sounding at all. I really feel I need to talk to him right now. I wrote down about 30 questions, on binder paper, that I wanted to ask him, while I was on instant messenger. Just so we wouldn't have a boring conversation. I just hope he's not getting bored of me. Which, is kind of what I'm getting out of this.

OH AMY!! SHUT UP!! YOU SOUND SO PATHETIC!!
I am over exagerating, I think. Right now--I have to idea, what's going on. I feel very, very confused. I am talking to Ben, online, right now, and I am literally talking crazy. i dont know why i'm acting so stupid. i am probably acting stupid right now. but, i don't know... 'cuz I CAN'T THINK RIGHT NOW!!! something is bothering me, but i don't know what. things are just confusing right now. i have a history test tomorrow or tuesday, and i am confused about that. i am talking to ben and i am confused about what to say. i have not spoken to erik, like i wanted to, and i am just going crazy right now. i feel like breaking down and crying, and i don't even know why. when, i think about it (if i can even think right, right now) nothing bad is going on in my life, right now. it is very good right now, infact. but, i think i an stressing out, 'cuz things arn't as good as they could be.
oh man, i wish erik would come online, right now. if i talk to him, i think i will feel better again. if i call him, i'm afraid i will get that "whatever" tone in his voice again. Maybe, something is bothering him. Maybe i SHOULD call him. I have no idea. I AM SO CONFUSED.
on Saturday, yesterday (September 11th) my dad and Naomi's mom had this single's party thing, at my dad's house, and naomi came over. i didn't feel like doing anything. and every time i mentioned erik danielle or julia would tell me to be quiet and to stop talking about him.
okay--i am just blabbing on and on and on... and i don't even know what i'm feeling right now. all i can really explain it by, is i feel very confused. and i don't exactly know why, but that's part of the confusing stuff. feeling confused sucks... 'cuz i feel i don't know what's going on... and when i don't know what's going on... sometimes i feel a little scared, i have to admit. maybe, i just need some sleep. maybe i need to pray right now. maybe i need laugh about something, or cry about something. i don't know--i am so confused. cya.
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