princessfirefly53's Diary

I found the words (from feb)

I found the words

Heart started aching
Couldn't handle the pain
Took off my shoes
Stepped out in the rain
Looked up into the clouds
The rain poured over my face
Whimpered softly in anguish
For what rain couldn't ease

Aching more intensely
As each moment passed by
I threw up both fists
Lashing out at the sky
Salty tears just kept rolling
Down onto my lips
I realized right then
It was your fingertips
That would stop the aching
With one simple touch
Caressing my face
Or one simple hug

By now my body was dripping
Realization and water
Left hopeless and shivering
Why even bother
I sat down on the pavement
Hugged close my knees
Closed my eyes tight
I still felt my heart bleed

Temperature dropping
Rain pounding my head
I could almost not feel
What was stabbing my heart
Off into sleep I drifted
Dreamed you were there
Holding me tightly
Stroking my hair
I knew I was dreaming
But it was close to relief
So I held on so tightly
Hoping you'd never leave
That I'd never wake up
Just lay there forever
No rain and no cold
Warm and happy together

Someone walked by
Kicked me while I was down
I woke up from my dream
Started to drown
In the puddle around me
Muddy with my pathetic hurt
I stood up and shook off
My pants covered with dirt

Barefoot I walked
Into non-existence
Shed all my clothes
Laid down just to listen
Hear the rain just keep beating
On everyone's heads
Only then did I notice
My insides were dead
Burning intensely
Despite the sharp cold
I opened my eyes
In an attempt to be bold
Looked up to the clouds
Stared straight into your eyes
I watched them tear up
While you watched me cry
Too far away to help
To wipe away my tears
You looked so dejected
That you couldn't be near
I reached and I reached
Desperate to feel you
You reached and you reached
To bring me to you
I reached til my muscles
Exhausted, collapsed
Stared into your eyes
As hours elapsed

I opened my eyes
Alone in my bed
Deafening silence
Crushed in my head
I was still dripping
With water and pain
Sweating and trembling
Naked again

Was it a dream
Or did you carry me here
Did I fall asleep
While you were near?
Or was I exposed
For the whole world to see
Carried here by someone else
Who felt pity for me

I'm ashamed of my heart
It still won't stop aching
I can't control
How it won't stop breaking