luvautumn's Diary

animated roll eyeshalloween acid house

Added: September 20, 2007, 2:26 pm  (38 views)
left work today - early.  i felt shaky; cold sweats; flushed face and burning ears.  pain in hands - numbness is legs.  tearful and ready to cry....  i was sure it was anxiety - though i usually don't suffer from it.  i have manic depression - a more mild form of it, actually... known as bipolar II.  perhaps my hypomania became too much for my body?  i am not sure.  but i needed to write; to reflect.  i am derealized and depersonalized and normally i enjoy it.  there must be an outlet.  either someone who feels the same.. of thinks the same.  a movie to watch and help draw in my attention. even a study of how the pagans celebrate fall - mabon & samhain.  instead i am home with parents - numbed with pain - in the bright light of the sun wishing it was dark and starry skyed.  i am not truly at home anywhere right now.  i have three myspace pages - 3 blogs.... i often feel like many different people; people i don't want associated with each other.  perhaps because one is too super-ego, one is too ego and the other too id.  shadow boxing the freud and jung....  waiting for word as to whether i will get to play in this halloween acid house or if i have to move in.  or the worst scenario - have to let it fade til this time next year.
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