bambino_dei_braxtons's Diary

I cant belive this

March 7,2008

Every day I sit and think about you and try to think of way we can be togehter but then I also remember that if it wasnt 4 you then we could have been togheter from the start. You want me to tell you that I love you and u want me to pretend like everything is ok when u no it really isnt. I wanted to marry you i wanted to have ur children. Now all i got left is a 3 little words that u keep repeating. You are laying in her bed and u tell her how much u love me that she wasnt nothin but a one night stand but then u r havin a baby with her a baby that should have been mine but u were to damn stupid to just give me time you dont even wait 5mintues after i walked out the door and now u are gonna be a daddy and when im talkin 2 our friends or just hangin out i either see u walk past or we are all at mine and urs spot. Everything around me reminds me of u i cant even walk out into the rain ne more because it reminds me of that night. The night that we were so relaxed and no worrys  and the first time u made me really see that i was truly in love with you. you called me saturday finally to tell me acting like i didnt already no. How do u tell me that ur havin a baby and the day its due 4 months after it happens and the day u found out u called me and never even brought it up. I found out from a ex boyfriend of mine. how messed up is that. When u called me saturday u told me u wanted us back how am i suppose to give u "us"? can u please tell me i want to no can u please tell me how im suppose to look u in the eye ne more how am i suppose to tell u everything is fine we can be us again. That baby will always be between us, a everyday reminder of ur betrail, he/she will be callin someone else mommy and not me. You wanted to no what u could do to make things better but it never will be better all i want is for u to take care of ur child and be a father to he/she. The one you never had and maybe just maybe i can get past the idea ur not perfect and the fact that now it will be a ready made family im gettin but all i want is to have time to think this threw because no matter wat im not ready to have u out of my life and i dont want to lose you and yeah i still LOVE YOU! even tho its killin me to do it and i always will ur my life and i guess its time to grow up and realise we all have our faults