anonymousgirl's Diary

Fcuk My Life

Has anyone ever critized you then expect you to smile and be happy again after it ? Yeah its happened to me before, MANY TIMES . I hate people who do that, why do they even do it ? Its so stupid . So if you really mean to say something bad to someone's face, you can't expect them to treat you normally after 2 seconds . Farout it makes me even more pissed off .

Another thing I am so annoyed about is people who think you can't mess with them just because they're older than you . Well with me its like this : I don't give a shit or two about who you are, if you don't respect me then fcuk no in hell am I going to take a thought about respecting you .

If I asked someone what their goal in life was, they'd say something like "get a job, get married, have kids" . I can't help but to think negatively about that . First of all, whatever I want to do for a living, no one is supportive about it . Especially my parents ! They always let me down . They tell me that I'm thinking crazy, its never going to happen, don't even think about your job in the future you gotta get good grades in school . I get put down for basically everything I do in life . Do you know how fcukn depressing that is ? So you feel happy that you achieved something in life then the next second someone tells you its no use . Second of all, it is so fcukn hard for me to imagine a guy who would actually want to spend their whole life with me . This is why I would probably never get married . Finally, kids . I am not a person who would want to have kids . I told my friends one time and they think I'm in the head or something . But all that labour and pain with this animal growing in your stomach . Then you gotta look after it for all the years to come . I just don't get it .

I don't even see a point in me living a life . So you're born, you grow up, go to school with racist teachers, come home to lecturing parents . Then the HSC and you stress like crazy . All because your parents tell you about the HSC as if its life or death . Then you get a job and everything and you're going to die . It seems like everything you've done in life is the biggest waste of time . I don't want to live . Why me ? Why do I have to be the one who entered this stupid world ? I never said I wanted to live . I never chose to be born . I want to go to sleep and never ever wake up again . Fcuk my life . I hate everything about me and my life . I hate basically everyone but all for a reason .

No one understands me . You're probably sitting here reading this and thinking "Can this bitch stop whining already ?" Well you probably think I'm complaining and whining because you don't understand what I'm saying . I've only lived 15 years of my life and I'm already sick and tired of it . Its done . I don't want to live anymore . Just seeing my own face in the mirror is depressing . I hate looking in the mirror . I hate people who stare at me . I want to be invisible . But then again I never get what I really want . Call me spoilt if you want, I'm used to it .

I could be going on way more about the problems in my life but it would take up too much room and too much time . This is because everything in my life is a problem .

Will I ever be happy ?    xx .