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The7thGuest's Diary

Stuff, it all adds up, you know?

Added: August 13, 2004, 4:27 am  (69 views)
I dont know, you know? Things are changing all around me and I'm afraid I am being left behind... It's all well and good saying this here, because the only people that will read it are people I dont know... I mean sure, I might know you, but I dont _KNOW_ you if you get what I mean... wispy, BigA, isengard, SerialCookie... I know you all, but I dont _KNOW_ you. I would never dream of saying self pittying rubbish to anyone that I know offline, mostly because I dont like most of the people I know offline.

Stuff is changing, I am changing, and I dont know why... I went into town yesterday (wednesday 12th aug.) and instead of blowing all my money on electronics and computer parts, I bought cloths, and not my regular cloths, I bought a pair of trousers (Ok, fine, they are grey/brown flared cords, but its what I like), somthing I would never have dreamed of buying two or three months ago, but suddenly, they seemed fitting, I also bought two 'neat' and clean t-shirts and a jumper... I dont do stuff like that, I waste my money on useless crap, not buy sensible things...

I lost contact with everyone... I havent seen my friend Chris in over a month, I have gone out with friends in over five or six months... Sure, I see people in work, but thats it, I only see them in work... I done socialise with them outside of work... I'm afraid by the time I am old enough to go out to nightclubs and parties etc..., that there will be nobody to go with...

Speaking of work, there was this guy in there on Monday I think it was, who got his kicks out of annoying me, degrading me, and insulting me... I pride myself on being higher than that... on being able to 'blow off' such people, but for some reason, that night, I couldn't. I was in work, so I couldn't just hit him, I would have probibly been arrested and fired, but I did end up screaming 'Fuck off you fucking cunt!' or somthing along those lines, which is somthing I regret, not because of anything he can do, but because I let him get to me, what I regret even more is that I was still really mad and I had to release it somehow, and quickly, so I punched a wall as hard as I could and scared the shit out of one of my co-workers who looked genuinely worried for me (which I am greatful for, even if I cant tell her) and I hurt my knuckels, I still, even now have bruises accross my hand (and today is Friday 13th, ooh, scary :s ).

I still dont have a girlfriend, its been over two years since I broke up with Sarah, and I still havent found anyone else, thats pathetic...

I broke my Windows HDD (40gb) so now, all I have is a couple of drives in and around 4gb, a 1.2gb and a few 2gb's that are all in machines... I dont have any decent working windows installations, so now I am running Fedora Core 2 as my desktop OS which is good, because its forcing me to learn more about linux. I even have my dad using it.

I havent played the bass in ages, but thats nither here nor there... whats more disturbing is my dependance on dreamweaver for webdesign, since I lost my windows installation the only coding I done was for omin0us ( http://dtors.ath.cx ) where he wanted to be able to display either a PNG or a GIF based on what browser was viewing it (IE doesnt support transparency in PNG's) and even that was only around ten lines with whitespace... Unfortunately my dad used windows a lot for work and stuff, so I am going to have to fork out around 100 for a new 160GB HDD for that, I want to partition 20gb windows, 20gb storage for my stuff, 20gb for music, movies, games etc... and the other 60gb for linux (with twice as much swap as I have ram). I am also going to be building a linux based PVR in a micro case etc... for around 300 (check out http://www.ebuyer.co.uk for stuff).

I have learned a lot about linux recently, I learned about modifying the entries of /etc/rc.d/rc5.d/ to change what services start when linux does (Fedora Core 2), I have learned how to set up vsFTPd (very secure file transfer program daemon) and to creat a chroot jail for users in it so their home directory appears to be /. I have learned about putting Linux on my router, a linksys WRT54G, even if I didnt get to cross compile BitchX to run on a MIPS archetecture...

I have been reading up on radio stuff and I am in the proccess of building a half-watt mono FM transmitter (a modified velleman K1771 FM oscillator kit) in a nice box that can be set up in a 'plug & play' manner.

I haven't found any more vulnerable websites lately, Digital Paradox was pretty much my main accomplishment to date, but eventually I will get to do somthing noteworthy...

Current Projects:
I am gonna set up a nice linux server running on a 200mhz Compaq Deskpro with 32mb of RAM, a 32x CD Rom drive, and around a 2gb HDD. I havent decided on a distro yet, but it will probibly either be Slackware 9.1 or RedHat 9.0 (Server Install).

Greetings to:
Nobody really, sorry...

Mood: Self Pity, Melodramatic, Lonely

Is this what depression feels like?

..::|> The7thGuest <|::..

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