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Pablo's Diary

Life Changes...

Added: February 23, 2005, 9:38 pm  (67 views)
After making that title, I realize I've probably titled other entries the exact same. ah well.

I haven't written in here in quite a while, mostly because I couldn't really talk about what was on my mind. Imagine going along in life, then suddenly being faced with a new opportunity. It's a pretty good one, although where you're at then is pretty good, too. So, you have 2 good opportunities, but have to choose one or the other. One is familiar, comfortable. The other is to a large degree an unkown, although you've had some exposure to it.

There are various factors to include on this decision. Some might compare it to choosing between two members of the opposite sex you are interested in... Two people might have good qualities, so you have to choose one, but that doesn't necessarily mean the other is bad. Of course, that's not what my decision was - it was too career opportunities. Management in a small company vs. an in-house technology-related position in a larger company. Both have many pros, and many cons. Ultimately, the decision was based on what I felt I'd rather be doing in the future.

This decision doesn't mean what I'm leaving is bad, but simply that I'm looking for something new and different. I gave notice today, and it was no easy task. My stomach was in knots when I got to the office, and I was ready to puke. Thankfully, things went fairly smooth when I gave notice - no fireworks or yelling or anything like that. Only disappointment, which could be worse...

And then, as the owner of the place talks with the new management team that I was going to be a part of, the not-so-smart one starts muttering to 1/2 the company what is going on. Now, the owner certainly understands this news needs to be announced and such, but a lot of people there are paranoid and freak out over big news like this. So, he thinks he should get his ducks in a row and such first. Well, thanks to Her, things couldn't quite work out that way.

Now, let's back up. I'm thinking about the people I would like to sit down and talk to this about and pretty soon I've listed off almost everyone in the company. So, I make another tough decision to leave the announcements in the hands of the owner, really as a professional courtesy. You see, in a smaller company, you get to be fairly close-knit with everyone around you. That type of environment mixes personal and business more than might happen at other places. There are benefits to this, but many hardships, as well.

This sort of situation is one of them. At the end of the day, you have made a decision about your professional career, so you want to try and handle it in a professional manner. However, everyone you try to be "professional" with is what you consider a good, personal friend, as well. So you have this news, and suddenly some idiot is running around "spreading" the news because they are a fucking gossip, and I guess you are left feeling bad that people have to hear the news that way.

You see, you wanted to be the one to tell them, but had committed yourself to doing the professional thing and letting the people in charge do their job with it. Now, as is usual in my case, having made what I felt was a better decision, it all comes and bites me right in the ASS.

*sigh*

Life has interesting challenges to throw at you. As if all the extras weren't enough, the reality of the recently life changing decision are starting to really sink in now. As is natural, doubts set in and you start second-guessing yourself. Did I make the right decision? Is this really what's best for me? I believe it's important to remind yourself, through all of this, that you have already made a decision. I've already laid awake and night trying to answer all of these questions, so it makes no sense to go over them again. Is it right for me? I've already decided that.

Now it's time to stand by that decision, and make the best of it. I believe that with a good attitude, everything will work out for the best. And if it doesn't work out to be great, then you just gotta keep truckin' along.

I just hope I'm not leaving some bad feelings behind me. I hope everyone understands, and I think most everyone does. Once again, I'm reminded of the saying, "It's not personal, it's just business." Sometimes I think people need to concentrate more on that and try not to be so emotional about business, but I guess I'd have to be one of the first to take my own advice.

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better."
-King Whitney Jr.

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