GurlInLuv's Diary

He's My Everything!

so today was kinda on the bleh side. i mean i was pretty content today. but it was just one annoying thing after another. church was fine. it was great. but after church i came home (after my mommy fed me)... and i was going to start laundry. i go and put a load in the washer... when it's done i go to put it in the dryer and there are no drier's open and there are two loads in front of me... i was pissed. so i call my mom and ask her if i can come over and use her dryer. she says of course. so i just finish my laundry over there to make a long story short. it's just frustrating b/c i have to load everything into the car. blah blah blah.

so i was pretty much not expecting anything good to come out of today. i was like all right this is just going to be one of those, "can i get this day done and over with please" days.

i came home from laundry and put it all away then i started cleaning my room. returned a movie i rented. cleaned my room some more and went over to my mommies again for a bit then came home. i decided i wanted to talk to aaron for a bit but then his "crush" called him so he was talking to her then i started reading my book... then i hear this knock at the front door... i figured stacey and her bf had invited another friend over b/c i wasn't expecting anyone. then all of a sudden my bedroom door opens... i assume it's stacey asking me if it's ok that they invited so and so over but it was matt. A TOTAL SURPRISE! i was not expecting it at all. i was so happy. i had been waiting for me to call me back since he wasn't answering and not calling me back i figured i wasn't going to get to see him. and then he stayed a while and we had some pretty good conversations and flirted a little bit. then he did something that i wasn't expecting...

we were sitting on my bed and he said, "now i'm going to give you something and i only want you to use it in emergencies." i had no clue what it was. he handed me my debit card... b/c we were married we had a joint bank account... he nevr took me off and kept my card. i couldn't believe it. he said that i could use it in emergencies but i have to call him first. i was amazed. then i was explaining to him that in life there are no coincidences that everything happens for a reason and how at church today they handed out the schedule of what they're going to be preaching about the next few months to come and in november when the divorce is supposed to be finalized they are doing a marriage series and during that time they're are doing one on divorce. so right when it's finalized they will be talking about what i'm going through. so weird! especially b/c i'm going to need that during that time b/c it's going to be hard for me. then matt says, "well if it goes through." and i said "what?" he said, "well i may decide that i don't want the divorce." i said nonchantly, "well yeah  of course if it goes through." wow!

oh then when he was leaving he kissed me on each cheek then kissed me on the lips really fast. it was the sweetest thing.

this is by far the best decision i could have made to push ricky aside and go back to matt. i love matthew so much. it sucks though knowing what i have done while we were separated. matt doesn't know about ricky and i can't get up the nerve to tell him b/c i know i'll lose him. and i don't want to. i love him so much. i mean i don't know if i'll lose him completely but i don't want to take the risk. and ya know he isn't telling me everything that happened with him while we were separated so i'm just thinking that... we were separated what happened happened and it shouldn't effect the now. it's done and over and everything is going great now.

i'm so happy and loving life!