GurlInLuv's Diary

bleh

so i have been pretty content today. i was supposed to go to gretchen's daughter's birthday party today but i didn't sleep well last night b/c of the antibiotic i'm on upsets my stomach so i woke up feeling crampy and nauseous. it sucked. so i was up for like an hour in the middle of the night. so i just kinda hung out with my family today. yeah i went to the beach which was where gretchen's party was but if i went to the party i would have to drive and then i would have to socialize and i just didn't feel like doing that. going with my family i didn't have to drive and i didn't really have to socialize. i mean come on  i slept on the way home that's how exhausted i have been.

i enjoyed my day. it was pretty relaxing. the only thing... i really miss matt. i miss our marriage. living in the same apartment complex as where matt and i lived is hard. i drive by our old apartment everyday and a memory always pops into my head. it makes me cry every time. i mean i guess i should be grateful that he's back in my life. but i just want everything back. i love the crap outta him. i want it all. grrr... and then i start REALLY thinking about it and then i get sad then i get mad then i freak out and it turns into this big thing. it's frustrating. i don't know. i'm happy but not. i want my old life back... kinda... i'm so undecided right now. i love my life right now... i have more friends, i'm the closest i have ever been with my family and always have so much fun with them, i have learned to enjoy time to myself, i'm more independant... i guess the only thing i want back is my matthew and my marriage.

bleh... i'm going to go eat cereal...