GurlInLuv's Diary

life

well i guess a lot has changed since i last wrote. i was still married... since then matt went and filed for divorce. we tried being roommates, it didn't work. so he moved out. i found a roommate, stayed in the one bedroom until the 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment me and my roommate were getting was ready. (this is making a very long story short). after finally doing what i needed to do to get over matt... yes that included dating, crying, going out, everything you could possibly think of. i met many wonderful guys, but none of them were my matthew :[. so of course they didnt last. last weekend the morning i was moving i got a text message from matt telling me that he missed me. later that night we went to starbucks to talk. we came to the conclusion that we wanted to give it another shot. now that we weren't living together it might be a little easier to start over as friends... well... let me tell you... boy, has it been hard. thank god i was on  my vacation this whole past week. let me explain...

starting over as friends with matt is a great idea, don't get me wrong. we never took the time to get to know each other before we got married. which was one of our problems. but to go back to square one after you already feel so strongly for someone is so hard. i'm doing it though. working as hard as i can to be just friends. i have fucked up here and there. but i'm working on it.

and well it doesn't help that he plays this stupid little waiting game with me. telling me that he will call me when he is done doing what he is doing and maybe we will hang out... then i don't get a call and i end up having to call him. it's stupid. so tonight, yes, aaron, i broke down and called him. i asked him i could call him after i was done watching the movie at my parents house. he said yeah. i then told him i needed to talk to him. this was when i was thinking i was going to cause this big drama scene and that was going to be the end. well when i called him when i got home, i just couldn't do it. i couldn't argue with him. he was freaking doing something for his brother which is why he couldn't hang out. i just couldn't. he's such a good man. just a phone call to inform me of something would be nice. so i kinda joked around... he said that he had to work on a car tomorrow and he'll probably get done around noon-thirty (exact words... so cute!) lol and he would call me and we could probably hang out (again waiting). well i said, "oh finally!" he said, "shut up i had a lot of things i had to get done." i said that i was just joking. i then said well if it's going to be later than that can you at least call me and let me know and not keep me waiting...??? he said yeah and i said something like it would be nice if he didn't leave me waiting around. i then said something like, oh you enjoy it... you enjoy me just waiting around... i would just like a phone call from time to time to let me know if you're going to be able to hang out or if you're still busy doing what you're doing... he then said if he told me no then i would get upset.... i said i would rather have a no then a maybe b/c the maybe leaves me waiting then i get mad when it doesn't happen and i don't get a call. so i think he's going to stop that...

anyways, i'm in a better mood b/c one, i actually talked to him and we didn't fight. maybe things are going to look up... but i'm not going to get my hopes up. hopefully i will get to see him tomorrow. i'll write more about other stuff tomorrow... i'm tired and i have to get up early for church tomorrow.