GurlInLuv's Diary

ChAnGeS

Added: July 24, 2006, 11:41 pm  (82 views)
well
HE bought me roses
on sunday
and then i was a bitch
why?
i don't know
i was in a bad mood
and i don't know why
i feel bad
b/c now he is probably never going to buy flowers for me again
of course
i fucked up again
i always manage to do that
fuck up some where
relationships are hard
i don't know how some girls do it
be so easy going
i think i was so easy going
and then i thrown around so much
that i stopped
thanks again *past HIM*
for fucking that up for me too
not only did you fuck with my emotions
to where it's hard for me to trsut anyone
you pretty much just ruined me
i try so hard to be easy going
and i can do it sometimes
and then something happens
and i just can't anymore
like usually when *HE* would say that he was tired and needed to go to sleep
i would say ok and that would be it
but now when HE says that he's tired and needs to sleep
i get mad
angry
and don't allow it
why?
i don't know
i'm a bitch now
i think i got fucked with so much that i'm scared to take any shit from someone
yet, HE can throw me around like nothing
disrespect me when we argue
and i just take it
don't let it bother me
half the time what he says is true
but does he have to be so mean about it?
is that the only way he can get it across tome?
i don't know

i guess marriage is coming up soon though
a job in washington for HIM
i can't wait
yet i'm sad
all my friends behind
i guess this is a time for a new start thought
right?
new friends?
new life?
with someone i love so dearly?
and someone that loves me so dearly?
scary
my family will be here
and i will be there
i have always been close to my family
this will be hard
but i have to do this
i can't afford it here

i want HIM to read my poems
maybe if i ask
say i know this is about *HIM*
but it's my art
practically the only talent i have
i would really like to share it with you
since you are going to be my husband
don't you want to know about my past?
about me?
he'll probably say no
to write something new
but how do i do that?
i have no time
and the words won't flow anymore
this is the closest i can get to writing
and this is just rambling
about my life
nothing important
no meaning
no emotion
nothing
grrr

it's getting late
i should go to bed
finally sleeping by myself tonight
will it be nice?
not sure
kinda miss HIM
see him tomorrow after work
no big deal
he will always be there

*10 months*

good night
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