Subscribe to RSS

FadingSmile's Diary

A New Beggining

Added: September 6, 2004, 5:24 pm  (73 views)
Well I had another diary on here with the same name but I decided to close that account and make a new one with the same screen name. I can't remember what I wrote in the other diary so I will just start all over and tell you about the main issues in my life.

Family Life:

If you took one look at my family you would think we were a normal sweet family of four... a mom a dad and two daughters. Well looks can be decieving. My parents are still together but most of the time we all wish they weren't. I think they stay together because of my sister and I when really we just want them to be apart for a while. It would be so much easier on all of us. They fight all the time and half the time they make it seem like it's all our fault. Maybe it is... I don't really know but I hate the feeling of listening to them fight and cry and know that your the reason for it. My sister and I fight all the time too so homes one of my least favorite places.

My sister is a little on the big side and it really hurts her and me when someone makes a comment about it. I don't want her to go through that. It could really ruin her life if people keep making fun of her for her weight. I try to get her to excerise with me but she just wont do it. I'm really worried about her because I don't want her to be depressed. She's so self concious and I don't want her to be like that. I'm really self councious too and I'm afraid to do certain things cause of it. I just want her to be happy but right now thats not happening.

Love Life:

Until last year I had been going out with this guy (Larkin) for 6 years off and on. I had a lot of relationships in between our break ups but I always went running back to Larkin. I thought I loved him and that we would be together forever. Who was I kidding we were in the elementry school and I was way to young to be in such a serious relationship but I was. I was sure it was love even though he treated me like crap. He hurt me emotionally so much I could barely stand looking at myself in the mirror with out crying. I was depressed as hell and wanted it all to end but thats another story. He made me feel terrible about myself and I knew that I needed out of the relationship yet I kept going back to him. During one of our break ups I met this great guy (Jason) and we went on a couple dates. He was everything I wanted and needed but I couldn't stop thinking about Larkin. So I went back to him first chance I got. It was a huge mistake. This time things were worse than ever. He cheated on me a couple times and I just kept on forgiving till I couldn't forgive any longer. For a time I was completely numb. I had no feelings for anyone, I didn't care what happened to me, and I didn't understand anything going on around me. This was the last straw. I broke up with him and after a while started thinking about Jason again. We started talking more and then we went to a party together and started liking each other again. We became a couple and have been going out for 9 months now. I've been through so much with him and I love him to death. He is the best thing thats ever happened to me. Before him I wanted to die now I have something to live for and I will never forget him no matter what happens.

The Drama:

Well when I was with Larkin, like I said, I wanted to die. I didn't want to get hurt anymore and what I did to stop the pain made no sense yet it helped me. I started cutting. It was the only thing that kept me from freaking out all the time. I don't let anything out to anyone and it just feels like its getting the hurt out of me. I did it for a while and then some people saw and they talked about it. Pretty soon a lot of people knew and I told everyone it was retarded and I would never do it again. I was lying. I kept doing it for a year without anyone knowing. Then I wrote it in a diary and one of my good friends found it. She told my boyfriend who told my best friend. There was no way I could cover it up. It was obvious it was me and it was obvious what I was doing. I had a long talk with them and slowly I stopped cutting. Well pretty much...

So lifes alright at the moment I'll tell you a little more about whats actually going on right now later just thought I'd catch you up on the past first so your not to lost.

Love Kelsey

Create Comment.

Title:

Body:


Author: