Escapist's Diary

my thoughts on excessive drinking

So i've figured it out, the deep dark secret of drinking excessively.

 Personally, I don't drink too much. I do, but i dont. and then today while I was walking, it dawned on me. I know why i don't drink as much as some people my age; i dont want to lose anything.

I feel that those who drink more than average (like, vomitting and blacking out) do so because they feel they don't have anything to lose. that can be taken two ways

a) they are so broken and beaten down that they feel that God can't take anything more from them

or

b) they are on top of the world and nothing can bring them down.

Either way, these people have nothing left to lose. Unfortunately, I have a lot to lose. For example, if I drink too much I don't do well in class the next day...then I lose my education, something I need in order to be the person I want to be. Also, when I drink I flirt a lot. and I do not want to lose my boyfriend. I don't want to lose my friends by saying mean things to them, although my friends are currently MIA....

so, that's my theory. People drink until they can't because they have nothing to lose. and my on the other hand, have a lot to lose...although it's getting to the point where i don't care if i lose them. Somebody kick me if I say i don't care anymore about my education/boyfriend/friends and that i'm going to go on a binge. Because ultimately, a binge will never be a good thing for me.