Escapist's Diary

I guess I need to calm down

Things could be worse, right? And I think I've been complaining way too much. So, now it's time to be thankful again (wow, I guess I have a pattern)

First of all, my saturn has $2,500-$4,000 worth of damage done to it, thanks to the tree my father is cutting up right now. I think I'm going to claim it and then not fix some of the things (like the roof really doesnt need to be fixed, the antena i can probably unbend myself and the side mirror isn't going to fall off anytime soon)...so that money I'm saving is going to go towards paying my bills I guess. And i'll have to take out an extreme amount of money for school. Unfortunately...but over time I'm sure that I will be able to pay it off.

So, I'm thankful for my parents. Because, if it were me going to get my car looked at a mechanic would walk all over me. Mechanics take one look at my boobs and think that i'm dumb. Which, isn't true...but i'm so shy and anxious all the time. And my mother makes my life a little bit easier by giving me company.

I'm also thankful for Mouse. He works either too much or not enough and is always tired, hates his job and doesn't like living with his parents. However, when i'm having a sad day he always makes sure he stays on the phone long enough to get it out of me. Unfortunately, that seems to be just about every day. but i'm thankful that he checks in on me a lot during the day. normally that would probably bug me, but not this summer. this summer i need him.

I'm thankful that my saturn gets 36 mpg...if that wasn't so, i'd be screwed. thank you Saturn!

I'm thankful for free library loans. Books and movies are my only distraction now a days. Stephen King is filing up my time and I am searching for the meaning of life with Albom (he's such an easy read!)

I'm thankful for free meals that include lots of vegetables I wasn't always able to afford. I'm thankful for bocca products going down in price.

I'm thankful that I can still wake up in the morning, although it's been later and later lately...with almost a required nap in the afternoon. I'm thankful that I can fall asleep at night. Insomnia is the worst, and I'm glad i'm not suffering it. I'm glad that I can still see things and that my headaches aren't taking over my life right now. I'm happy that I can still walk and that the pain isn't in both legs. I'm pretty impressed with my ability to concentrate on books. So far, my depression is not so deep. Thank You for that.

I'm happy that my graduate program is a for sure thing, and that i know it's one of the best. I'm glad that by my taking a bit longer on it, Mouse can go to grad school and be content with his life.

Unfortunately, I still feel useless and I thought this would make me feel better... I need to make something of my life. Starting now? What am I going to do...