Escapist's Diary

Exhaution

I applied for a new job today. I hate waking up in the morning. I hate my job. I feel like everyone there hates me. I ache...everywhere...I need out.

Yesterday after work my boss pulled me aside and told me I wasn't being strict enough with my kids and that they were frustrated that they had no direction. And I understand that...So I listened to her ideas and we're going to touch base again in a couple of days. But, seriously, she was the one that told me not to punish the children for every little thing they do...and she is pretty lenient with the kids too. I don't know... I just feel like the children do not respect me, and they go from loving me to hating me depending on if I'm asking them to pick up their toys. Grrr.

Then today while I was cleaning up from nap the new boy grabbed my spray bottle. Which was set down beside me while I was wiping a mat. He sprayed his face and I had someone rinse his eyes just in case. Well, my boss talked to me again today about the bleach bottles and I told her that I had just set it down for a second to wipe the mat and I turned my head to ask another child to clean up his mess. Of course, this can all be reviewed on video and she can see the truth. But really, I don't like that kid anyway, so if his parents pull him, too bad.

In fact, I am finding that I don't like any children at my work except the older ones I don't have in my group. I also don't like the center's set up or curriculum. I feel like my children don't want to be there ever or want to play with me. They kick me, spit at me and yell at me.

I am going to break.

So I want to quit my job. Not likely though, it looks bad to quit a job after 6 weeks. However, I feel like I can cut back the hours from 30-40 down to 15-20. I just sent my resume out to one of those cash advance places....truly something against my standards but I am so desperate.

I am praying every second of every day that I will be given an opportunity to "move on" as we call it at MMG.

I just don't think I can handle it. In fact, I'm not handling anything very well right now.

PS, Mouse and I ate a whole package of Oreos last night.