Escapist's Diary

maybe my life is turning around

Today is Ash Wednesday. Too bad I had training for work (yes, I got a job....another day care, but hey, great experience) and a night class. All masses that I could find (I looked at 4 churches!) were during those times :( So, no, my forehead is not getting soiled today....but I tried and God knows that...so good enough? We'll call it even, ok?

 I am however fasting...in a general sort of way. I'm not sure many Catholics fast anymore...I know that they abstain....but I always abstain? And I'm still poor...maybe poor people shouldn't have to try so hard. Anyway...i ate 1/4 a bagel (usually it would be a whole one with strawberry cream cheese...yum) and some crackers. And I have fallen because I ate a bag of candy hearts. just a few tho! Oh well. Then I can eat supper when I get home and I can say that I tried my best. I even told someone at work today that I was fasting because of Ash Wednesday. So, I didn't even deny my faith!

I don't know what I am going to give up for Lent?? I have until midnight I guess. I should give up something gluttonous like chocolate or alcoholic beverages or Facebook...but really, how shallow? And how pointless. I do go days without chocolate and i dont believe it takes away from religion...and i don't think it's prohibiting me from being grateful. I wanted to give up complaining, but I figured I would just end up lying to myself...so...T-minus 7 hours. Maybe it will be something good :)

I am however starting a thankful board. For the next 40 days I have to write down what I am thankful for and why. The first entry was I am thankful for Jessica because she gave me a job at the day care i started at today. I really really needed that job. I'm glad she feels I am qualified for the job.

Mouse and I had a long and deep conversation last night about religion. I feel that he likes religion because of the facts and the stories and the history. He spends more time debating the Bible than just letting go and enjoying the warm feeling faith brings. I told him all the reasons I like going to church and none of it had to do with the Bible. I guess it's not that important to me. Who knows? So we talked about and tried to list things that made us truly happy. Do you know how hard that is? Example: I asked what about playing his Bass? And he said no, because he feels jealousy when people pick it up and can play it better (although, i think he's really made a lot of progress on it and is quite good). We talked about drinking, but how that has become a competition in his house...I think everything is tainted. So i told him that I don't want religion to be so...I just accept it and enjoy it and try to be the best person I can be no matter what happens in the end. Or what happened in the beginning I guess.

 Anyway...I've decided that waking up at 6:15am is a little ridiculous. I am used to waking up right before 10am. Huge difference! But I guess I will adjust again as I resume a responsible adult lifestyle. But I'll still be poor. Class starts in 40min....So I should probably get up and move my car and whatnot.

Peace. And I hope that everyone has a happy yet remorseful Lent. Even if youre not Catholic...it's always a good idea to try and find ways to improve ourselves and to feel grateful for what we have. (funny that I can be optimistic when really, I have close to nothing right now...)