Diary I am here. Somwhere. But nothing else is here. Do you understand?
I moved here. And everything was going to work out. The college program, the job, the boyfriend...everything. Complete. Instead I live in an apartment with white walls everywhere and I never get out. Because...there is no job, no college program and my boyfriend STILL lives very far away.
So what do I do? I sleep a lot. Watch tv a lot. I read until I can't sit still. Every day I go to the library. And every day I return without a job. I'm too picky. I expect too much. Mouse is mad because I haven't applied for any jobs. I have months until my money runs out. But when does my sanity run out?
I've already cried until there are no more tears. I've been mad and delirious with excitement. Who knows where I'll be in another 6 months. But there comes a point in everyone's life when they want to know beyond that 6 months. Where will I be? Where will I work? Will I have friends? Will I like myself.
I don't like it here. Everything is run down and depressing. KI Sawyer makes me want to rip out my eyes. I'm glad I'm not there...but am I really in a better place? MI has the highest unemployment rate in the country? Is that right? Should I file for unemployment? Probably cant...just because I haven't lived here longer than 2 weeks.
Two weeks?? you ask?? Only 2 weeks and such despair, such depression and hoplesness? Yes, 2 weeks. Well, make that 12 days. I am a failure and I have only been here 12 days. I have made one friend. She's in my class. She's probably 17 years older than me. I have neighbors that I've waved at, smiled at, heard them fighting. They've probably heard mouse and me in my apartment....not fighting.
This move was supposed to be so right. For mouse and i to take our relationship to the next level. Now, it's move forward, move back. be happy, be sad.
And I think I know what will make me happy.
Can happiness be obtained here? where it's cold and i'm an outsider? And if not...will I find it to where I'm going next?
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Entry Comments: 1
Add a comment to this entrySounds like somewhere I've been before.
Added: January 17, 2008, 8:12 amBy: my_last_serenade
If you work at it, I swear to god you will get past all of this. Being unemployed sucks, I know, and it's hard when you're all alone all the time, and it's even more hard especially as there are absolutely no jobs to be found. But if you really work at it, I'm sure you can get things worked out. I eventually did when I was squatting in Portsmouth, and then I managed to get the hell out. Don't give up, and you'll make it. I promise.
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