Escapist's Diary

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i find myself thinking over and over that in a few years i'm going to be happy. i'm going to be married, have a job, and know what i'm doing with my life. but why in the world do i think all of a sudden my life is going to improve? will i wake up 3 years from now and *bam* my life is fixed and i am pleased?

i dont know, i spent some time last night talking to two girls in my FSOS sex class...and they are both amazed at how well i am handling the stressful events in my life. but i dont think i'm actually handling them. i think it's more like i gave up. which this makes me sad..but perhaps in 33 days i will be happy.

i do know that packing will make me happy and i can do a little bit of that next week...get rid of some of my things...move them out...stop caring and start moving. i can't wait to move. i need to get out of thise house. and wherever i go...i dont know. there are some things that need to change about me. what they are, i'm not sure. but i am sure that this summer is going to be about self discovery. oh, and it'll be sad since mouse lives forever away and we will never be closer than what we are at this moment...sad