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Escapist's Diary

my eyes are about ready to shut again

Added: January 24, 2007, 8:47 am  (57 views)
i am so tired right now. i'm not a believer in caffiene, but i might have to give it a try today or else i wont make it. i'll drop dead like a fly.

and why am i so tired? i have no idea. maybe because since school has started i've gone from sleeping 10 hours to 7, 6 even 5 hours a night. but that doesnt seem too odd. my body should be getting used to that after a week. instead, it's rebelling against my effort.

i dream too much. and the dreams arent good. why can't i have a nice dream that includes me eating an ice cream cone on a bright sunny day while listening to the beatles or something? hmmm? why cant i manage my dreams. i can only force myself awake the moment before i die. if i didn't wake up from these dreams, would i die in them? i never know...and what would it be like to die in a dream? i wonder if it's even possible...

i'm kind of stressed. i have to apply to grad school THIS weekend. No more putting it off. I have the money...not the reference letters, but I'm hoping those will come soon. what is my boss doing? it doesnt take that long to say, escapist was a great person blah blah blah. i could do it for her. but that's cheating, and that's not how one goes about getting into grad school unfortunately.

finally, mouse is going to live in a house next semester. i am not fond of this. in fact, he doesnt know, but i hate the idea. it's his life, but i know that living in that house will not be good for him. i hope he understands that having your friends around all the time means that he'll have to focus extra hard on doing his homework. and hopefully he doesnt drink himself to death. really, he has no will power some times. anyway, i dont know if we'll still be together by then. i've been thinking about that, and really, he's very young for me. i'm just really confused. 7 guys in a house does not sound like a cup of tea to me, and is that reason enough to break up with him? Plus, Green isnt moving in with them! What is up with that? And Mouse isn't even slightly concerned. I would understand if Green has another house he wants to live in, but if he's just not living there because it's with them and at that house...then there is something fishy. i just wish that mouse and green would share an apartment together next year. *sigh* if we are together then (which lately i've been thinking we wotn be) we will have zero privacy. Mouse is turning a front entry into his room for goodness sakes! that involves stairs! to the rest of the house! and a door to the front porch! anyone at any time could come in or hear what we're talking about. i hate that. i really really don't like this idea. grrrr. i wish there were some rule book that explained to me what i should do in this situation. but he's a guy. he needs his space.

'night. or 'morning.

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