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Cerabee's Diary

I started this entry on: a whim

Added: January 10, 2006, 5:50 am  (59 views)
I could pretend to be asleep. In my own way, I am. I don’t know how I think this is going to work, seeing as my parents will wake at like two and put out prezzies. However, I may well still be awake, waiting for their light to go out so I can go downstairs and.. I don’t know how else to put it bur say pray.
See, every year now for three (at least) years, I’ve always managed to love our Christmas tree. I don’t know why, but it’s true. Staring at the lights, the incredible beauty, of a Christmas tree, alone in the darkness, is when I tell santa what I actually want. Sometimes I whisper, sometimes I just say it in my head. But this year I haven’t had the chance to do it yet, since today’s Christmas, technically speaking, and we only got it two days ago. It was an odd day, that one. But I’ll write about it later.
He called me. I was so shocked. You have no idea. I mean, he called! He never does. Anymore. And he called to say merry Christmas. He must be in an insanely good mood, seeing as he was also actually gushing about what Al gave him. She gave him three things, and I must admit, even though I fought her a little on actually getting him anything (I was of the personal opinion he did NOT deserve anything. At all. Ever) she got him some pretty nice shit. he thinks so to. So he’ll get her something, but he doesn’t know what. Maybe I’ll help him out with it. He called! WEIRD!
It was nice, though. It’s been odd. After the initial anger faded, I haven’t missed him at all. He called exactly at six. I wonder if he remembered that I can’t talk before six? Who knows.... but it was still nice to hear him, his voice. I told him about how I wanted to visit him at his dad’s yesterday. He says I should have. He said that we could’ve stolen the car and listened to heavy metal. Said it would’ve been romantic.
Naturally, I laughed. But no, I know I would’ve had a blast. But to tell the truth? I couldn’t unlock Al’s freaking basement door, and the upstairs one screams when it’s opened. So...shit. If I had a do over I’d try harder. I didn’t know I’d regret it. Damn.
But he called to say Merry Christmas! He... he didn’t even say Merry Christmas to anyone else. I’m confused. And upset, which is confusing And I’m utterly overjoyed. And now, now, I miss him. He’s not even gong to be here for new years. Or my birthday! Awww....
Oh, wellish. I’ll be freaking fine. I want to see him, though. Hopefully before he goes.
My parents are never going to sleep. It’s already one. Got damn. Well, I already looked at tree. So...all will be well enough, at least. But.... It’s not the same when I can hear them whispering, see their light flooding the top of my mind, keeping me from floating off like I was trying to do.
So maybe I’ll turn off all the lights in my bedroom and write by candle and incense again. It’s always so nice. I wrote a spell last time, seeing as I was in a fanciful mood. It was pretty damn cool even if I have to say so myself; maybe I’ll put it on here sometime.
I want to see him. It’s so weird. I’ve been hit on soooo many times, in itself an oddity in my very good personal opinion, and still all I can think of is him. Is that love? Love is friendship, set on fire. Ahhh! Parents! GTG!!

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